A teenage reader who writes coherently for his age (sensitive beta male alert) wants to know how to deal with a girl “””friend””” he has been orbiting for three years who recently has expressed an overt sexual interest in him.
I am 19 and have a very tricky situation with a girl who has had a boyfriend for around 3 years. Over this time we have remained very close and shared a mutual desire and attraction for each other. I am not naive and I know she has been leading me on quite badly, but recently it has become out of control.
After seeing her a few times in the last month I copped a series of texts from her (sober) which I dont know how to take. Frankly, they have made me angry.
her: “if things were different what do you think would happen? I think about it alot”
“I feel so happy around you but it’s a dangerous feeling”
but it’s the last text I need advice on and what to do from this point on.
The other day she sent this:
“I want to act on this temptation, but that’s the problem. I can’t”
I know that this can’t end well because either she cheats and I’ll end up being hurt either way.
I would appreciate some advice on what I should do or reply. I have not been sucked in and I have taken the moral high ground and not believing her bullshit.
please help. thanks
You have two questions to ask yourself. One, are you Ok with abetting a “cheating whore” and risking the inevitable drama and ire of her boyfriend, plus any future grief she will likely bring upon you? Two, what should you do if you are Ok with it?
I put “cheating whore” in quotes, because at that age, the teenage years, relationships are vaporous and girls and boys jump in and out of them all the time. If you’re part of a religious community, this may not be the case; people might meet and get hitched by their early 20s, which, back-assessing, means that cheating on a boyfriend at age 19 (or thereabouts) is a serious adult-level offense.
If you’re willing to jettison any moral compunctions and assume the risk of a tryst fallout, then I have two words for you:
Watch out! This girl’s swoony siren call will mean your shipwreck on the lonely cocks. You think it’s that easy to go from friend to lover after three years of stewing in the incel-zone? No, this won’t be a simple Peen 8===> Poos trajectory. Quality girls won’t wave you in like a plane, even when it looks like they’re waving you in, unless it’s to wave you off-course.
This is what you should take from her suddenly confessional texts: She had a fight with her boyfriend, or he’s ignoring her need for emotional closeness, and she’s reaching out for your attention the only way she knows how: by teasing you with her sexuality and manipulating your craving for romance. She knows from experience you’ll fly to her side if she hints at a remote chance for sex, and if you bite the bait, your best outcome is her head on your shoulder, massaging your hand, while she dumps all her frustrations with her boyfriend on you and pretends not to notice the bulge in your pants. If you were to then make for a kiss, you would quickly see the serenity evaporate from her face to be replaced by a fake surprise and hurt that you mistook her intentions.
The above scenario is the way to bet. I could be wrong, and she might really accept your desire if you assume her sincerity and act accordingly. Then all you would need to do is reply in a way that calms her fear of soiling her reputation but nevertheless moves the moment closer to when you and her can be together alone:
HER: “I want to act on this temptation, but that’s the problem. I can’t”
YOU: “Of course. Neither can I.” [good time for a disqualification] “I’ll be at X on Saturday. Meet me there.”
Just a straightforward evasion, DQ, and set-up for the final seduction. Never mind that it makes little logical sense to your male brain; all you need to know is that emotion is the coin of the realm in the twistopia known as the female hindbrain.
However, if she’s insincerely flirting (and my reading tells me she is), then you have to treat her like the attention whore she is. This means employ various game tactics to gain the upper hand, which, if your three asexual years together is any indication, she currently has in spades. So, don’t bite the beta bait. Play hard to get, agree and amplify, tease. For example,
HER: ”I want to act on this temptation, but that’s the problem. I can’t”
YOU: “Are you auditioning for a soap opera?”
YOU: “I know! It’s crazy. You struggle with these feelings. But we can’t do a thing about it.”
YOU: “I know how hard it must be.”
YOU: “whoa, take a deep breath. this is all news to me.”
I like that you have refrained from replying so far. Forget the high moral ground; refusing to peck at her bread crumbs and shifting the balance of power in your direction is all the virtuous justification you need. And let there be no doubt, you must own the balance of power if you want a woman’s heart. Three years she’s been propped on that pedestal. Now it’s time for you to gently nudge her off and assume the pedestal for yourself.