Alpha Assessment: The Frame Game

Reader Ace recalls some text and messaging conversations he had with a couple of girls:

Conversation via facebook with ex (HB 8). I’m new to game and recently unplugged from the matrix.

Me: Read through some old messages on MySpace. Fun stuff
Her: O gosh. I can only imagine!
Me:You had quite the attitude punk! And I was such a charmer
Her: Probably… and no. lol
Me: Oh really? It’s no wonder you fell for me SOO hard. Lucky girl
Her: Haha whatever you say
Me: 100 reasons why you love (My name) Found that the other day. You make me out to be a badass ha
Her: HAhaha I was sweet. I remember my little notes you wrote me everyyyyday
Me: Yeah you were. I know, I was a tool
Me: Pretty sure the biggest reason we dated was because our lips fit really well together.

No response. I know I shouldn’t have initiated contact with an ex because I should be spreading my demon seed to other girls.
Jacta est.

Conversations via text with HB 9 from work. Had a boyfriend during the first two conversations.

Me: Am I going to see you at the cliffs tomorrow?
Her: No I got class 9 to 4
Me: Skip class, I’m much more fun
Her: I skipped last week lol. I don’t want to have to make up my hours again.
Me: Well I think you should, it’d be for a good cause. What’d you skip class for last week?
Me: And by good cause, I mean you would get to see me
Her: For extra sleep lol
Me: Haha your excuse for missing class tomorrow is much better

Conversation with the same girl via text after I ran into her earlier that night at a club.

Me: You wobble like a white girl babe
Her: Yeah because I have no butt!!
Me: Lol true, which means you’re just gonna have to win me over with your personality
Her: Haha! I already won.
Me: Lol and what on earth makes you think that?
Her: I am kind of a genius lol
Me: Lol well if that’s the case, that’s a definite plus, but don’t think for a minute that just because you’re easy on the eyes that I’m impressed
Me: If you want any chance of “winning” I need to know more about the setup you have going on in that genius head of yours
Her: I have a boyfriend so I must be doing something right lol
Me: And I have a dog, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m doing something right lol
Her: dog? boyfriend? … difference lol.
Me: Both entertain you when you’re bored, both keep you company when you’re alone, both do what you tell them to lol
Her: HAHAHAHA! I love that comparison, but I don’t keep my “dog” on a leash lol.
Me: Lol fair enough, but I still wouldn’t say you’re winning..he’s not me
Her: You must not know him then because he is bad ass lol. trust me I am winning.
Me: Lol but be that as it may, he’s not me. That aside, I just want to be friends
Her: Well duhh I know that. You just like picking on me lol.
Me: Haha cause youre such a good sport, and you fire back occasionally, which i like
Her: HAHA! yeah I bet you do lol.

Conversation after I ran by her on the trail.

Me: You looked like you could use a running buddy today
Her: Haha! I thought that was you!!
Me: Honestly, I kind of thought you were a black girl from afar…except for your butt!
Her: Shut up hahaha!

All of these conversations were prior to my unplugging.

“Prior to my unplugging” means, I presume, prior to his introduction to game concepts and material. “Ace” may correct me if I’m presuming wrongly. And so what we have here are texts and messages that Ace sent in his pre-game state to girls, and he wants to know if they are exemplary of natural alpha male mojo.

There’s no need to bother with a line-by-line analysis of Ace’s badinage. The alphatude lessons contained therein aren’t specific to any one line; they are derived from a general vibe that his conversational technique emits.

And the lesson I take from this stream of conversation is a simple one: Teasing, playfulness, negs and challenges cannot make up for a loss of frame.

It’s frame first, frame now, frame forever. You lose the frame, and you are perpetually crouched in the defensive posture, playing by the girl’s rules, dancing to her beat, singing her tune, spasmodically twitching on her puppeteer strings, and all the while driving her desire into a ditch.

Some of you newbs may be wondering what I’m talking about. You read Ace’s “comebacks” and you think it shows tight game.

“It’s no wonder you fell for me SOO hard.”

Newbie says: He’s challenging her and flipping the script, making it seem like she chased him! Isn’t that game?

Well, yes, that is game, in the particulars. But it has to be viewed in context, and the context here is of a man trying too hard (and too frequently) in his insistence that his ex couldn’t get enough of him.

“And by good cause, I mean you would get to see me”

Newbie says: He’s making himself the prize. Isn’t that game?

Again, context matters. Yes, having an “I am the prize” mentality is a core game concept, but in this context it falters because Ace has had to repeat his assertions of prize-worthiness to an obviously uninterested girl. Prize-worthiness is best left implied rather than forcefully asserted.

“Lol fair enough, but I still wouldn’t say you’re winning..he’s not me”

Newbie says: Boyfriend destroyer! Aloof attitude! That’s gotta be tight game.

A man indifferent to a woman’s “I have a boyfriend” shit test is not a man who writes, count ‘em, four lengthy texts telling a girl how much her boyfriend doesn’t matter to him. Yes, he’s cocky and funny and unapologetic, but he’s also giving the impression of a guy who can’t stop himself from parrying a girl’s volleys, even as she is clearly enjoying the back and forth.

“That aside, I just want to be friends”

Newbie says: Disqualification! Come on, that’s definitely game.

Sure, when the disqualification is not appended to the end of a huge text conversation where he pretty much tacitly confessed his sexual interest in the girl. DQs simply don’t work when burdened by such incongruence.

“Honestly, I kind of thought you were a black girl from afar…except for your butt!”

Newbie says: Neg! Gotta be game.

Yes, it was a neg (sort of)… which reminded her that he remembered their earlier conversation about her butt. She knows he’s smitten.

In the final analysis, Ace’s pre-unplugged game is a great example of an aspiring womanizer “getting” the nuts and bolts of game, but not being able to assemble the pieces into a coherent whole. Both girls established the frame and held it almost the ENTIRE TIME. The result is that Ace managed to come off like a superficially suave man of great earnestness who was happily obliging the girls’ conversational maneuverings and performing for their applause. Not a beta, not quite an alpha.

If a girl has set the frame, your job is to avoid getting entrapped by it as quickly as possible, and often this will mean completely changing the subject if you are not getting the desired responses from the girl. For example:

Her: I have a boyfriend so I must be doing something right lol
You: And I have a dog, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m doing something right lol
Her: dog? boyfriend? … difference lol.
You: [next day] gonna be at [place x]. go there, we’ll chat like humans.

Or:

Her: I have a boyfriend so I must be doing something right lol
You: [hours later] saw a man get a pedicure today. not sure what made me think of that.

A lot of guys new to game get so excited with the powerful pickup tools at their disposal that they tend to overuse them at the cost of missing the context in which they are being used. What then usually happens is that girls enjoy their unconventional rapport but never quite feel that rush of burning desire that truly aloof men effortlessly evoke in them. Eventually, the barrage of overworked game tactics veers into spergland, and the girl will actually start to get turned off by this “go nowhere” man who shucks and jives like a properly trained court jester.

Setting the frame and avoiding antagonists’ frames are critical to seduction, both of women and of electorates.

UPDATE

How could we forget the best frame setter/frame breaker/frame interruptor ever?

Her: I have a boyfriend so I must be doing something right lol
You: gay

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