An Updated Cold Read

Most of you game-acquainted guys reading have probably heard of the ‘Sex and the City’ cold read routine by now. (A cold read is usually framed as an “intuition” or “a feeling” you have about a girl or girls, and typically follows an opener.) If not, here’s a place you can refresh your memory.

But times have changed. SATC — and that other girl-dominated cast in “Charlie’s Angels” often used as a cold read — are dated shows. 20-something chicks are not going to relate. Being an interesting, fun dude to 20-something women means being clued into insipid cultural trends. So I’ve updated the cold read formula for 2012, and I call it The Glee Read. It’s the same formula as the SATC read, only with new characters replacing the old, jaded, sinewy Samantha, Carrie, Charlotte and that lesbian.

YOU: (Smiling) “You guys are awesome you’re just like the girls from Glee.”

GIRLS: “Oh I love that show…”

YOU: “You’re definitely Rachel because you’re strong but you have a heart. People misunderstand you.” (This is good to use on the shy girl of the group.)

YOU: “You’re Quinn, the queen bee!” (Use on the most outgoing chick.)

YOU: “And you’re Mercedes. You want to be a diva, but you’re too nice to pull it off.” (This is actually a great neg to use on a hot white chick, because the Mercedes character is a fat black girl. The character “Santana” would also work as a neg.)

YOU: “And you…” Shake your head disapprovingly at your target. “You are Sue Sylvester.”

You don’t have to use the exact formula I’ve written above. Just know a little bit about the main characters and suit to taste. “Glee” is very popular with the prime fertility window demographic. Another show that is popular with American women (and which bespeaks SO WELL of our nation) is “Gilmore Girls”. If you aren’t up to speed on the show — and who could blame you? — you can read about the characters here. Then craft your own cold read routine based on what you know about the characters’ personalities.

Remember, lead the conversation. Girls react so positively to cold reads involving pop culture references that you will be tempted to let the convo roll in that direction for longer than is necessary. Don’t be afraid to cut girls off so that you may segue them to more fruitful (heh) banter.

Also, you’d be surprised how many 30-something women are into these shows as well. Never-ending adolescence has infected both sexes. In fact, I’d argue women have assumed the mantle of perpetual adolescence in far greater numbers and with greater intensity than have men. You just have to use the correct — read: the un-PC — metrics to uncover that.

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