Further proof that Russia and nearby provinces run a surplus of slender, beautiful women.
It must be something in the wuuuudka.
This post is not an exercise in glibness. The evidence — men’s penises — strongly suggests that Rus women are, objectively and proportionate to their native populations, the most beautiful women in the world. The Dnieper-Dniester region is, anthropologically, the Fertile Crescent. The pussybasket of the world. The cradle of cuteness. And I say this partly from personal experience.
The question that needs answering is not, then, where are the world’s hottest babes, but WHY do the world’s hottest babes bubble out of the DNA froth like sexy sirens emerging from the hillocks of this particular vast agricultural plain?
My preferred theory is increased male options. The great wars decimated the ranks of the Eastern Front’s men, so much so that the men remaining alive had their pick of the poon. And when men have mating options — whether through the gain of power and charisma or through the luck of living during a time of favorable sex ratio skew — they almost always choose young, slender, pretty women. The Rus men chose wisely.
But a reader has informed me that Ã¼berbrain Greg Cochrane recently undermined this theory when he computationally concluded that not enough time has passed since the great wars for the miracle of organic eugenics to work its magic and push the Rus women toward elevated heights of beauty. I remain, respectfully, unconvinced.
Whatever is happening over there, we will discover the cause of this beauty bounty, and spread its blessings to all the world’s men till there is a hot chick in every pot, and a babe in every backyard.
In the meantime…