Belittle League

Submitted for your disapproval…

The phone rang. It was Zeets the Throwback Barbarian, Disdainer of Text, Facebook and Email.

“Went to watch a Little League game my woman’s nephew was playing in. Really disturbing.”

“How so?”

“Well, the game was in a hoity-toity neighborhood. Lots of yuppies live there. Mercedes and BMWs parked everywhere. One of the fathers was a lawyer… except not the assertive type. White and pasty, with a general softness.”

“A herb.”

“Yes, Baron Pighausen! Anyhow, I’m watching this game, and something’s off about the whole thing. The field and the dugouts were chaos. Kids running around, no order, no managing. There are a bunch of players in the on-deck circle swinging their bats at the same time, which is against baseball rules. You’d think the manager or the fathers would know that, but they were just letting the kids do whatever they wanted. One of the bats almost hit another kid.”

“Sounds like a Romper Room.”

“It gets worse. The runner on first base got hit by a batted ball and no one called him out. Baseball rules are that runners interfering with fair balls are out. None of the fathers knew that or didn’t care. One of the kids was screaming at the top of his lungs that the runner was out. Screaming! ‘He was out!! He was out!!’

“What a sorry spectacle.”

“But that’s not all. Here’s the best part. They weren’t keeping score! No scoring allowed.”

“This was a rule? No scorekeeping? Holy crap, it’s like something out of a feminist wet dream.”

“Yep! A no-scoring game would have been laughed right off the field when I played Little League. And fathers back then knew the goddamned rules of the game. They wouldn’t have tolerated a chaotic playground like this.”

“Wow, they’re removing any competitiveness from the game. It’s like they don’t want boys to be boys. What kind of parents are these?”

“Well, there were a couple of unaccompanied mothers there, and some fathers, too. A few fathers showed up later in the game. Oh, and a lesbian couple. Well, that last one’s easy to explain.”

“No doubt. But the rest have no excuse. What kind of Little League is this?”

“I don’t know, but it’s nothing like the Little League I remember. There is some good news, though. A faint glimmer of hope. The kid screaming that the runner was out rattled all the parents. He was completely frustrated that the parents or umps were not following the rules. Other kids started joining in the mayhem. The boys understood something was wrong, and they were acting out.”

“What a glimpse into a degenerate culture. These Swipple adults are trying to shove emasculation down the throats of our nation’s boys, and the boys aren’t having any of it. They’re fighting back, without really understanding why, against crap that feels wrong to them.”

“The boys were out of control with rage and frustration, totally disobedient, doing whatever they felt like doing. Maybe that’s a good thing. I left feeling a little more positive for this country’s future.”

***

Yes. It might be our only chance for salvation. Our country is being assaulted by a new elite of SWPLs who disrespect, even loathe, American tradition and historical precedence, and deny differences between boys and girls. If they are to be defeated, (and total crushing defeat is the only answer), then taking up bats and swinging them with abandon might be the only avenue good people have left to victory.

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