Beta Male Tells: The Baby Monkey Grasp

We are familiar with the hoverhand, a classic tell of beta maleness. (The hoverhand’s opposite is the hineyhand.) Introducing another beta male tell: The baby monkey grasp.

Mr. Bang Tow Jam is hanging on for dear life. She might slip away any moment.

I hope I don’t need to explain why fingertip clutching at various body parts on your girlfriend that aren’t her hands, tits or ass is horribly beta. You look like a circus elephant following mama around. The impression this leaves is one of fearing that your girl will bolt as soon as your grip slips loose. Which she probably will do, and by rights should do.

Note: I have seen plenty of white men mimic the baby monkey grasp too, and it’s always nauseating to behold. Barring exceptional circumstances, mate guarding is inherently beta, and all the more so when the mate guarder’s technique is so oleaginous.

The best remedy is to stop grasping; your beloved will respect you a lot more if you have the self-confidence to sit in the row ahead of her without reminding her of your viking warrior presence by latching onto her toes. Don’t worry, she won’t suck some guy’s cock when you’re not holding her foot, but she may suck some guy’s cock later when her foot is finally free of your clammy pincers.

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