Every Situation Is An Opportunity For Pickup

Some unlearned folk think girls can only be picked up in bars or nightclubs, or that those two venues are the bread and butter of advanced cadding practitioners. They have no comprehension of the ease with which girls can be approached and courted in just about every conceivable situation outside bars and nightclubs. Every real world situation offers the awakened man who is aware of his surroundings an opportunity to say something charming that could spark and expand a conversation with a girl inside his phonic sphere.

Bus stop: “I know this bus driver. Here’s a tip: Flash some leg if you want a free ride. Works for me.”

Waiting in line for roller coaster: “If I throw up on you when we’re upside-down, don’t take it personally. It’s not you, it’s me.”

Doctor’s office: “I’m here for my bloodletting.”

Gym: “Great form!…. for a girl.”

Liquor store: “My AA group is throwing a party. I’m in charge of supplies.”

Car dealership: “I don’t want the rust protection. That’s like getting a prenup. Takes all the romance out of it, doncha think?”

Running to girl on sidewalk: “Holy crap, you walk fast. How am I supposed to woo your back?”

Dollar store, admiring $2 bauble: “It’s the thought that counts, right?”

Bowling alley: “Two strikes in a row! I need groupies. You in?”

Fly-fishing: “I’m trying to catch a mermaid. It’s time to settle down.”

Rock climbing: “Try not to stare at my butt when I’m up there. I’m self-conscious.”

At a scenic overlook: “You come here often?”

Staring side-by-side at a famously nightmarish painting in a museum: “I bet this guy got all the ladies.”

Hospital, checking in: “I have a broken heart.”

April Fool’s Day: [leaning over her cubicle] “I’ve gotta get this off my chest. Been holding it in too long. I am deeply, deeply, deeply in love with you. Always have been.” [wait a beat, point at her calendar, AN SMIRK]

Apple store Genius Bar: “Tim Cook is a fairy who does business with Saudi Arabia, a nation that beheads homosexuals, and employs Chinese child slave labor to snap the backs on iPhones. Gimme your number.”

I will neither confirm nor deny if I have used any of these lines in my own life to hit on cutie patootie pies (aka slender, 17-23 BMI, 0.65-0.75 waist-to-hip ratio, under-30 women).

The point of this post isn’t to memorize these lines. The lesson is this: Be situationally aware and in the moment. Keep your senses sharp, like a hunter surveying the veldt for prey, and exploit every chance that the banalities of life throw at you to capture the curiosity, and hearts, of cute girls gliding in and out of your world. There is much more opportunity for sexual and romantic gratification than you think you know. You’ve just gotta… bustamove.

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