Five Minutes Of Alpha

Does being a sexy female rock star with male romantic attention measured in the tens of millions inoculate a woman from oneitis for an alpha male who rejected her? Not if Katy Perry’s scorned lover meltdown is any indication.

Pointing out into the audience, she identified one specific member of the crowd and asked, “Is that Shane Lopes? You were the most popular kid in my class, but you never wanted to date me, it was always Amanda Wayne.” As the crowd laughed and cheered, she adopted a bit of swagger and added, “Oh yeah, you really chose right, honey. What’s up now, playa?” Becoming an international, Grammy-nominated pop star evidently does wonderful things for your self-confidence.

Perry dedicated her next song, a kiss-off anthem from her double-platinum 2008 disc “One of the Boys,” to her former crush and even tweaked a lyric in the middle of the song for the occasion, singing, “I can’t believe I fell in love with Shane Lopes.”

Five minutes of alpha — even worse, five minutes of alpha rejection — can fuck with the heads of even the most desirable women. And continue fucking with them years later. In comparison — if the reports are to be believed — women who divorce beta schlubs after years of marriage pretty much forget them before the ink is dry on the papers.

At the end of the tune, she looked directly at Lopes, held up her hand — which prominently displays her engagement ring — and said, “That’s cool, I got mine,” and mockingly blew him a kiss. The singer is set to marry raunchy British comic Russell Brand, who wooed her publicly from the stage while hosting the 2009 MTV Video Music Awards.

You gotta wonder if Russell Brand didn’t take this putative compliment in the spirit it was given. It’s easy to imagine him thinking “Daaaamnn, bitch still jonesing for that asshole!”

How do we know Katy’s crush was an alpha male?

Lopes, a former high school football star in Goleta, played quarterback at Delaware State, RadarOnline.com reports, before returning to his hometown to coach the high school team.

Even though Lopes is something of a loser today as defined by the societally conventional metric of career status, he is probably still the alpha male he was in high school, because alphaness is a state of mind rather than a station of occupation. Which explains why he so deftly handled Perry’s shit test outburst:

[Lopes] was a little embarrassed when Perry turned the spotlight on him, but claims her version of events wasn’t totally accurate. Calling her story “pretty fabricated,” he said, “I never got the feeling that she had a crush on me. We’ve always been friends. [Ed: Ouch.] I think it was more for entertainment and she was figuring out a way to segue into her next song and kinda embarrass me just for fun.” […]

Although an anti-Perry Facebook page titled “Shane Lopes picked correctly” has popped up, Lopes said he has no hard feelings about becoming the unwitting target of Perry’s performance. “I haven’t seen her in awhile. … I just know her as Katy Hudson so to see her as the famous Katy Perry is kinda hilarious!”

Nice neg.

Sweet schoolgirl impressionist and celebustrumpet Perry still aches for the alpha male who ignored her more than a decade ago. Who says game doesn’t work?

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