Getting Fat Really Will Shorten Your Lifespan (And Your Sexspan)

Contrary to a previous study claiming that fatter people live longer than underweight people (a flawed study that was, not surprisingly, trumpeted by feminists, fatties and those who shudder at the thought of sexual market standards), a new study has concluded that fatness will shorten your lifespan:

While some past studies have shown that persons carrying a few extra pounds in their 70s live longer than their thinner counterparts, a new study that measured subjects’ weight at multiple points over a longer period of time reveals the opposite.

Research from Adventist Health Studies recently published in the Journal of the American Geriatrics Society showed that men over 75 with a body mass index (BMI) greater than 22.3 had a 3.7-year shorter life expectancy, and women over 75 with a BMI greater than 27.4 had a 2.1-year shorter life expectancy. Generally, a BMI between 18.5 and 24.9 is considered normal weight, and a BMI of 25 to 29.9 is considered overweight. A BMI of 30 or more is considered obese.

A good rule of thumb to take into consideration when trawling scientific studies is that the more a study’s results contradict common sense, the likelier it is that there was some flaw in experimental procedure. It’s not OK to plump up as you get older; you should be striving to maintain your youthful weight for your whole life. Paleo eating and regular exercise of the short burst variety (weightlifting and wind sprints) will help you in your goal. For those who think this is impossible, you only have to look at modern day hunter gatherer tribes. In those, the elderly (that is, the few who avoid getting murdered or mauled to death) stay thin and sinewy right up until the end.

In related news, getting fat is much worse for a woman’s sex and love life than it is for a man’s. (Paging that idiot commenter who thought he was being smartly impartial with his heavy-handed “reminders” that women don’t like all the fat men, either. Well, the facts suggest otherwise, schnerdling.)

Men are more concerned with their partner’s body type than women but they also seem to value family more highly, according to a new survey released on Tuesday.

Nearly half of men questioned in the poll of 70,000 people said they would ditch a partner who gained weight, compared to only 20 percent of women.

Two-third of men also said they had fantasized about their partner’s friends, while only one-third of women had done so.

Ladeez, if you want to keep your man interested in you, you have to stay sexy and slender. Men, the findings (and general life observations) show that getting fatter won’t hurt your love life very much. Don’t push it, though. Few people who aren’t freak fetishists are sexually aroused by morbid obesity.

Another valuable CH lesson, free of charge!

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