Reader R. writes:
My casual girlfriend is getting a dog, a German Sheppard. That is fine because I love dogs but I am concerned with the future early morning walk responsibility that she will try to shirk off.
I know what is going to happen: we will be in bed and the dog will bark. “Can you be a sweetheart and go walk him?”
I don’t want to go walk the dog so she can sleep. Whats the best way to deal with this? Just tell her straight up: “No, he’s your dog, walk him or let him shit on the floor.” Or should I be nicer about it? Or just ignore her and pretend to be asleep?
Goddammit. Balancing a girl and alphaness is harder than it looks. Thanks for the help.
PS, I hooked up with an exgf this past weekend after following your rules. I really enjoyed it but it awoke feeling that I still really liked this girl. I ended the relationship back in February because I could sense my slide into betatude and wanted to end it on my terms before I became pussy-whipped. (this was before I found your blog) I still don’t have her number but we have mutual friends and can get it. Should I? I would like to turn her into a fuckbuddy. Should I wait until we see each other again (mutual friends and parties etc) or wait for her to initiate contact? When we hooked up, I could tell the attraction for me was greater than ever (thanks to your advice). My willpower right now is being tested because while I would like to contact her, I would hate to destroy the frame I have created.
Thanks for all the help. I am confident that because of your words of wisdom, I am well on my way to becoming a super-alpha on campus. Bring on the fall semester and the packs of sorority girls.
This is a bigger deal than you might think. How many of you had parents who disliked animals? You would beg and plead for a dog until finally one day they caved and got you one, with the admonition that “now that you have this dog, it will be your responsibility to walk it and pick up its poop every day”. Of course, after three weeks, Dad would be schlepping it out at 6 a.m. every morning walking the dog and muttering under his breath about his damned ingrate kids.
Well, women are like those children who quickly abdicate their responsibilities when there’s someone else willing, or able to be persuaded, to do them. The mode of persuasion is usually implicit sex withdrawal, puppy dog eyes (fittingly), or empty feel-good flattery.
If you find yourself in this reader’s predicament with a girlfriend, a dog you could do without, and a looming literal shit test, you should firmly remind her you are her lover, not a dog walker for her royal highness. If this doesn’t work, buy a pet boa constrictor and kindly ask her to be a sweetheart and feed it the live mice you have stored in the pantry when you are too busy doing something else. That should help get the point across.
As for the reader’s second question, beta regression is an inherent danger in following the rules for getting back on ex-girlfriend; you might fall for her all over again, repeating the same mistakes you made the first go round. You should get her number through the mutual friend, but don’t call her for a couple weeks. (This is because your quasi-gf will be expecting a phone call from you once she hears from the mutual friend that you requested it; therefore, you must defy her expectation if you want her to vagina to simmer with piqued interest.) The trick to lassoing an ex-girlfriend into a sexual Act II is is to hammer home the impression that you absolutely do not need her in your life; rather, you *want* her around because she amuses you in a special way.
Since you did the official dumping back in February, you have hand, however tenuous you may believe that hand is. Girls are acutely sensitive to dump dynamics to the exclusion of almost all other relationship-ending factors. No matter how beta you think you acted during the waning months of the relationship, if you dumped her without warning she will carry that stingma (stigma + sting) with her for months afterward, and possibly into future relationships with betas who can’t understand why she still pines for an asshole like you.
Remember, too, that girls who aren’t fat, old or saddled with bastard spawn are rarely dumped by men; scientific calculations have shown that women do about 70-80% of all the dumping. Therefore, as a man having done the dumping, you have automatically raised your value far above the mass of men who could ostensibly compete for her attention. You now occupy an outsized place in her mind as a man higher status than all the other men currently chasing after her, regardless of the objectively measurable status differentials between you and them. Conclusion: dumping is a huge DHV. You do not need to game your ex hardcore; she is already thinking about you on a daily basis since that heartbreaking moment way back in February.
However, enough time has passed that she may just now be getting over stray thoughts of reuniting with you. It takes about six months for a cute girl to “move on” from a man who dumped her. (It takes anywhere from five years to a lifetime for a fat chick to move on from same.) Attempting to reengage via a date could backfire and destroy your frame as you mentioned. She might very well take it as an opportunity to retrieve some of the hand she lost from the initial dumping. I could easily envision her telling you a date is a bad idea, and smiling wickedly to herself once you got off the phone. Instead, I would try to arrange meetings with her at parties of friends and let nature take its course. Just keep to the Aloof and Indifferent frame and her hamster will do all the spinning for you.