Girls At Different Ages

The following are one sentence observations of girls I’ve dated in the past five years sorted by their ages.

19 – Slipped me a pink pill in Club Five and flaked on the third date.

21 – She made a CD mix to play while we ate a home-cooked meal by candlelight — in her husband’s apartment.

23 – Needed zero foreplay.

24 – Smoked pot with me and cried a lot about the magic of being in love.

25 – Fingerbanged her in my car and caught her looking over her shoulder at me after we parted going in opposite directions.

26 – Loved to power shop and fuck standing up and talk about herself.

27 – Required three traditional dates (i.e.: I pay) before putting out.

28 – Argumentative.

29 – Flaky like the 19 year old, but minus the charm and flirtatious banter.

30 – Jumped straight out of bed early on a weekend morning to “accomplish things” after a night of earthshaking sex.

31 – Screwed like a man and talked aloud about the chores she had to do for the day.

32 – Lights off sex interrupted by dispassionate instructions on how to please her.

34 – Showered me with excessive flattery and trolled for same in return.

35 – Left bra on during sex.

Trends… I sees them.

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