“Having common hobbies kills the spark for me.”

Lara, presumably a girl, wrote the subject heading in the comments to yesterday’s post.

Lara may be a troll, or she may be a girl lying about what she sexually responds to in order to score retarded internet debate points, but her blurt has a kernel of truth. Dating advice columnists, a most loathsome breed, and marriage counselors are fond of telling the lovelorn how important it is for a man and woman to share interests and hobbies if they want to make a relationship work for the long haul. This meme has, in fact, become so imbibed by the general popluation that you cannot date a girl, or listen to a girl talk about what she wants in a man, without hearing her say that “he has to share my values“, or “he has to like the same things I like.”

A conversation I had with Zeets the Throwback Barbarian comes to mind.

ME: Your parents have been together a long time. Do they go shopping at arts and crafts boutiques like other mature couples do?

ZEETS: Hell no. My Dad plays poker twice a week to get out of the house, and my Mom hangs out with her friends on the weekends.

ME: They’re not attached at the hip then?

ZEETS: Not even close. They need to get out of each other’s hair. They have different interests. They both like to swim in the pool, though.

ME: But you can really see the love they have for each other.

ZEETS: Exactly.

This “shared values and interests” chestnut is a load of horseshit. Lara is hitting upon something important in her throwaway quip. Men and women who like the same things and do a lot of activities together risk instilling the contempt of familiarity in each other. This is particularly the case for women, who must abide their genetic programming to find overly accessible men undesireable.

Women may squawk a big squawk about wanting men who share their interests, but in reality they most admire and love those men who have their own interests, and who pursue those interests without regard to the women’s participation. Women, in short, love to be spectators to men’s passions. They love to be dragged into a man’s world.

As with all things gender related, women want to look up to a man. They do not want an equal or a play time buddy. Feminists who claim otherwise are lying, not only to you and me, but, more importantly, to themselves.

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