Heady Pettiness

I was with a girl shopping for assorted consumerist baubles. Technically, she was shopping and I was providing color commentary. A man must learn to amuse himself to pull through these dreaded moments. In the middle of a well-delivered quip, I noticed from the most distant corner of my eye a familiar jeans-covered ass. I studied the ass for a bit and the flow of hair down the back and realized it was one of my exes. She turned around and confirmed for me it was her.

She didn’t see me. I watched her for a bit. The three years were not kind to her. Her body was still great but her face looked drawn, eyes sad, and was that an incipient turkey gullet? When I dated her she was a solid 8, and sexy as hell. Now? A 7. Barely. In just three years she dropped a full point. I wondered if she had gone through an emotionally draining divorce in the time since I’d known her. She was at the store alone on a day in which most women are shopping with their partners.

My time spent with her had been good. I held no ill will toward her. We departed not as exes, but as former lovers, blessedly free of bitterness or rancor. And yet, when I saw my ex there in the store, and mentally noted that the girl I was with was better looking than her, a sadistic urge to flaunt my latest lover and parade her past my ex like a trophy float overcame me. I maneuvered myself and my female company into visual range of my ex. I refrained from looking over. I wanted the bump in to feel natural. (Had my lover been less attractive than my ex, I would’ve hid behind the clothes racks and rushed us out of the store.)

As I maneuvered closer to my ex through the aisles of clothes and kitchenware, I placed my hands lovingly on various erogenous zones of my companion’s body. All while pretending not to notice my ex. I slid my hand down my lover’s back, played with her hair, and made sure to tell a joke so that she giggled girlishly within earshot of my ex. Unfortunately, my ex didn’t notice. Either she was captivated by the 40% sale on hand towels, or she was expertly avoiding acknowledging my presence. I doubted the latter, because usually even the best actresses cannot hold it together with zen-like calm and serenity when bumping into an ex who left such an indelible impression on them. They give away their true feelings with a nearly imperceptible quiver in the shoulders, or a nervous dart of the eyes.

Had she forgotten me? Not possible. We dated too many months, and I… did things… with her that assured a memorial to me would forever be etched in her brain, like a Vietnam Lovers Memorial of sex acts. Or maybe she didn’t recognize me? I *was* wearing a hat, crisply turned down along the front brim.

Nevertheless, no matter how much I maneuvered, I couldn’t needle my ex with my profound pettiness. She remained steadfastly unaware of my presence, flitting about the store like a hummingbird. What a wasted opportunity for a deliciously ego-massaging bump in.

I told my girl about my ex being alone in the store, and how I was trying to get the ex to see us. I also told her she was hotter than my ex. Instead of chastising me for my immaturity, her eyes lit up with conspiratorial glee and she offered a strategy.

“Ooh, I’m curious. Which one is she? Let’s walk by her and I’ll stick my ass out for you to smack. Yay!”

God bless women. Just when you are about to resign yourself to the thought that they are made of nothing but sugar and spice and everything nice, you are reminded of the arsenic laced within.

We left the store mission unaccomplished. I pondered for a second why I relished the thought of rubbing my happiness in the face of a sad, possibly single ex for whom I had nothing but warm feelings. I had released the id monster from its hindbrain depths, and danced a little jig with it.

I guess it just feels too good. And I’ve no doubt she would’ve done the same had the shoe been on the other foot. Any woman would’ve done the same. But don’t bother asking them. They’ll deny deny deny. They’ve got an image to burnish, you see.

Note: As with many of my posts, the chronology of this post has been altered to protect the innocent. Namely, me.

94 thoughts on “Heady Pettiness”

  1. bitcoin online kopen en verhandelen, geld verdienen vanuit huis , [url=http://online-crypto-trading.com/de/automatisierter-Bitcoin-Handel.html]Handel mit Bitcoin auf Robinhood[/url]

  2. bitcoin online kopen en verhandelen, geld verdienen vanuit huis , [url=http://online-crypto-trading.com/de/automatisierter-Bitcoin-Handel.html]bitcoin kaufen[/url]

  3. bitcoin online kopen en verhandelen, geld verdienen vanuit huis , [url=http://online-crypto-trading.com/de/automatisierter-Bitcoin-Handel.html]Bitcoins kaufen anonym[/url]

  4. bitcoin online kopen en verhandelen, geld verdienen vanuit huis , [url=http://online-crypto-trading.com/de/automatisierter-Bitcoin-Handel.html]bitcoin kaufen[/url]

  5. I just want to say I am just beginner to blogging and really liked your blog. Most likely I’m planning to bookmark your blog post . You actually have outstanding article content. Thanks for sharing your web site.

  6. I simply want to say I am all new to weblog and actually loved this web site. Almost certainly I’m likely to bookmark your site . You absolutely have wonderful articles. Kudos for sharing with us your webpage.

  7. Together with every little thing that seems to be developing inside this subject matter, a significant percentage of opinions are actually very stimulating. Nevertheless, I beg your pardon, but I do not subscribe to your entire suggestion, all be it exhilarating none the less. It looks to me that your comments are not completely justified and in reality you are yourself not thoroughly confident of your argument. In any case I did appreciate reading through it.

  8. I will right away take hold of your rss as I can’t to find your e-mail subscription hyperlink or e-newsletter service. Do you have any? Kindly allow me recognise so that I could subscribe. Thanks.

  9. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and all. But think about if you added some great graphics or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this website could certainly be one of the most beneficial in its field. Great blog!

  10. I got what you mean , thankyou for posting .Woh I am pleased to find this website through google. “If one does not know to which port one is sailing, no wind is favorable.” by Seneca.

  11. hey there and thank you for your information – I’ve definitely picked up anything new from right here. I did however expertise several technical issues using this web site, as I experienced to reload the website lots of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your web host is OK? Not that I’m complaining, but sluggish loading instances times will very frequently affect your placement in google and could damage your high quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Well I am adding this RSS to my e-mail and can look out for a lot more of your respective intriguing content. Make sure you update this again very soon..

  12. I just want to say I am just new to blogging and truly loved your web page. Likely I’m planning to bookmark your site . You certainly have remarkable posts. Kudos for sharing with us your blog site.

  13. Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Thank you

  14. A fascinating discussion is definitely worth comment. I think that you need to write more on this subject matter, it may not be a taboo subject but usually people don’t speak about such topics. To the next! Best wishes!!

  15. The next time I learn a weblog, I hope that it doesnt disappoint me as a lot as this one. I imply, I know it was my option to learn, however I really thought youd have something interesting to say. All I hear is a bunch of whining about something that you would fix when you werent too busy searching for attention.

  16. Excellent article and easy to understand explanation. How do I go about getting permission to post part of the article in my upcoming news letter? Giving proper credit to you the author and link to the site would not be a problem.

  17. I am very pleased to discover this web page. I want to tell you thx for your effort in providing this amazing read! I certainly enjoyed it and I have you book-marked to follow new issues you post.

  18. I blog frequently and I seriously appreciate your content. This article has really peaked my interest. I’m going to take a note of your website and keep checking for new details about once per week. I opted in for your Feed too.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *