Hot Girl Crazy

Spiralina observes:

It’s SO boring to be a hot girl. People are designed to evolve by struggling against the greater forces of survival. When everything is just handed to you with no effort, you lose your sense of purpose. You become dissolute and reckless. You start abusing your sexual power in petty ways, just to see how far you can push it. When you find someone who finally pushes back, it elicits an intense (albeit temporary) thrill.

Childbirth makes it all settle, and gives the hot girl a greater sense of purpose. That’s why most hot girls, if they stay single and don’t have kids as they get older, slowly go insane.

What Spiralina has described is hot girl crazy. Hot girls, by dint of their immense, immediate, and unearned power over men (and over women, to a lesser extent) start out life being less grounded than plainer girls (pretty girls as young as four know they are more attractive than other girls), become sadistically crazy in their primes (15-25 years old), and then pitifully deranged by their late 20s and 30s if they have not leveraged their hotness for an alpha male and little alphalets by then.

Hot girls live in the closest approximation to a fantasy world that exists in the state of nature for human beings, and in no time in history is that fantasy more fully fleshed out and intertwined with the threads of ugly reality than right now for the modern Western looker. This is why hot girls are some of the most illogical, deluded, and naively optimistic people alive: You don’t need a firm grasp of reality when a line of suitors and suckups stretches around the corner to wait on you hand and foot.

The “struggle against greater forces of survival” has been the norm for most people, most of the time, and evolution, as Spiralina has noted, has equipped us, more or less generously, with the flexibility and fortitude to bear this struggle without turning batshit crazy. There is actually a scientific term for this psychological — and, reduced to its essence, biological — phenomenon: hormesis. Or: that which doesn’t kill us makes us stronger.

The hot girl in her prime, though, has rarely had to struggle. Or, if she thinks she has struggled, she has no idea what real struggle is like, particularly for ugly girls who foetally slouch through waves of human eyeballs invisible and ignored. The hot girl’s problems are other girls’ wish lists.

Freedom from struggle, as with all quasi-realized utopian ideals, lets slip unintended consequences, many of them worse than the struggle the utopian was trying to eradicate. Hot girls begin to despise their catered lives, and attempt to fill them with drama. This is why the expert seducer will quickly ascertain that it is the hottest girls who insufferably crave the most manufactured drama. He learns from this, and knows to give it to them on an intermittent schedule, like a scientist in a lab might drop a heroin-laced pellet to a rat to condition its responses.

And what kind of drama do hot girls crave the most? Dread. The hot girl wants what she doesn’t have: struggle. She wants to feel again, and the asshole lover who cavalierly tosses aside her feelings, who exhibits scarce consideration for her, fires her up like no lapdog or lackey ever could. Spiralina says this thrill is temporary, but here I disagree with her. I have been the beneficiary of, at the risk of crass first-person immodesty, the love of very attractive girls, and as long as the drama flows, the thrill remains the same. This thrill can go on for years, sometimes lingering after the breakup in her memories in the form of unexpected late night calls months past sell-date.

For as long as supplicating beta males exist, the selfish bastard boyfriend is king.

As stated, one cure for hot girl crazy is kids. Not just any kids. She has to push them out of her own wet incubator. Nothing grounds a mentally imbalanced woman quicker than childbirth, and the heavy responsibility that follows. Unfortunately, Western Civ is in a tailspin of single moms, dysgenia, endemic zero marginality, pathological Stockholm Syndrome, and soft concubinage. The womb issue within the confines of sanctioned pairings that would have sedated the self-destructiveness of attractive women in the past is now put off until a woman’s 30s, giving over her entire teens and 20s to marinate in the crazy. Poor beta males are then stuck holding her bag of bonkers when she’s nigh wall splat and resentfully settling for Mr. Subpar.

Another cure is the alpha male. Hot girls can be tamed into reasonableness with an unfaltering belief in one’s own entitlement (the hot girl LOVES LOVES LOVES the self-entitled man, perhaps because she enjoys the mirroring of her soul), a refusal to suffer crazy gladly, and subtle reminders to her of the inevitable price paid by the passage of time. The man of unshakeable self-confidence — better yet, overconfidence — is so rare among the men who have wormed their way into the hot girl’s world, that she is enamored of him instantly, and in moments of lucidity will tally the value of her catch and shudder what her impetuousness might risk throwing away.

It behooves the attentive alpha male to know when his hot girl lover is beginning to show symptoms of renewed crazy. Awareness is half the battle, and a girl crazy left unattended can rapidly escalate to incorrigibleness and even cheating. Of what signs should you, the aspiring womanizer, be cognizant?

Crib sheet of girl crazy

– She has begun accusing you of things you clearly have not done.
– She play acts at keeping secrets, real or imagined, to incite your jealousy. (“Oh, just some guy I know… don’t be so nosy!”)
– She has begun to take her birthday and assorted holidays and ceremonies way too seriously.
– She’s contemplating more than one cat.
– She has taken to calling you from public places, especially those of ill repute.
– The ratio of call-to-called has flipped, and she now calls you less frequently than you call her.
– She gets snappy with you for no particular reason.
– She puts words in your mouth for the sole purpose of inventing fights.
– She begins to favor fucking over lovemaking. (The usual BF/GF ratio is 2-to-1, lovemaking over fucking.)
– She’s gossiping more about her friends’ love lives, and with an air of envy.
– She’s started having those moments when she doesn’t want you to touch her.
– She cries inappropriately when she sees cute things, or during maudlin, anti-climactic rom-com scenes.
– Many of her conversations start with the words “Did you hear…?” or “I just want to get away for a while…”.
– Her spending sprees have become more frequent, and less cost-conscious.
– She’s begun commenting on feminist blogs.
– She’s staying late at work. (99% of hot girls do nothing vitally productive for the maintenance of the economy, so late hours in the office are a major red flag that she is boffing the boss.)
– She’s started hitting you, and not playfully.
– She’s started making demands of you in the bedroom. (“You can put it here, but not here.”)
– She’s become obsessive about fishing for flattery. (Appease her, and you will pay a dear price.)
– She’s gotten annoying about insisting you don’t photograph her from bad angles.
– She begins mouthing equalist and feminist shibboleths with sincere urgency.
– She has begun striking provocative poses at inappropriate venues and events.
– She’s become compulsive about rearranging your home’s furniture and repainting the rooms.
– She has started comparing you and her to other couples. (“Why don’t we hold hands as often as John and Geri do?”)
– She begins believing your hobbies are personal slights directed against her.
– She overanalyzes the most trivial and innocuous inconsistencies.
– She has a sudden onset of strange sexual appetites. (“I got us a purple saguaro. Looks like fun!”)
– She wants to moonlight as an art class model.
– She erects monuments to your presumed unfaithfulness, and wallows immoderately in the oddly exciting notion (to her) that you may be cheating on her.
– She begins challenging you. Over EVERYTHING.
– She thinks the world is against her, and you’re not helping.
– She pushes and pushes and pushes. Rock solid stoicism doesn’t seem to be working on her like it used to.
– She confesses to fantasies of you fighting another man for her hand. Then she actually tries this maneuver by instigating trouble in a bar.
– Her wardrobe has recently acquired a lot of red hues.
– She’s started asking you for money, instead of tokens of romance.
– Her “I love you”s have become chants of self-reassurance, often deployed immediately after she has flirted with another man.
– She needs to “do things” with you, because chilling out just doesn’t cut it for her anymore.
– She can’t believe you don’t agree with her on everything.
– Your playful teasing has become inadequate. She needs more edge, and more of it.
– The sine wave of her hot-cold routine has begun oscillating at a higher amplitude.
– She’s begun fighting you for control of trivial decisions.
– She acts “fake offended” when she catches you eyeing another girl.
– And the craziest sign of all? She tells you to “stop smothering me!” and you’re half a state away, balls deep in another woman.

As soon as you observe any or all of these girl crazy signs, run, do not walk, to your nearest alpha male reinvigoration chamber and fuel up, so that you can demonstrate once again in no uncertain terms that your company is not to be trifled with by the likes of her. A hot girl falling victim to her crazy from a growing perception of ease and entitlement needs another dose of struggleporn. Give it to her, good, long and ♥♥♥♥♥.

PS For those wondering, there is an alpha male version of dissolute entitlement. Men who have had the road cleared for them from birth, and their way with women unobstructed, tend to drama of the sort that appeals to men — multiple lovers, risky infidelity, public sex, emotional distance (the opposite ploy engaged in by women on the cusp of crazy), sadism and cruelty. Men of this sort are never fully tamed, except by a severe reversal of status. The women who are best at corralling the self-satisfied man are usually very feminine, sweet and nurturing, and operate by evoking the alpha man’s natural predilection to protect frail lovers who have assuaged him of their natural preference for faithfulness. Careerist empty vessels and ambitious, tankgrrl feminist sluts should imbibe the lesson that they are living and behaving exactly the wrong way to inspire the love of men who have their choice in lovers.

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