Overgaming

I got this illuminating email from a male reader:

I recently started reading your blog. I am usually fairly successful with women, though I could definitely improve my game. In particular, I lack the boldness and swagger your archetypal alpha possesses. I needed practice.

I met this girl a couple weeks ago and we texted back and forth. Because she lives about an hour away and is a little below my market value, I wasn’t planning on an effortful pursuit – but I did cross my fingers for convenient banging. Last week I invited her to hang out, and – suggestively – proposed she stay the night. Likely because of the beta-manner in which I made the suggestion, she became defensive, saying she doesn’t sleep with people on the first date…etc and so forth – I felt at the time I was too upfront. She said she wouldn’t come down, but that I instead should come up and go dancing with her and her friend. I said maybe, but canceled later. Last night she randomly texted me. I thought, what the hell, I’m going to try and follow the dark lord’s benighted example. I was literally stunned at the results. While I’m sure my banter was sloppy, and even cheesy, the difference in reaction this week compared to last was remarkable. What follows is our (somewhat lengthy, I apologize) text conversation. She was all tingles.

My texts in italics:

So guess who just got in a fight at the club?

A fight?

Haha yeah… She threw the first punch though

I see – did you win?

Of course! Im tough, and she backed down

hmmm, i don’t know if i need a trouble maker coming over

Haha funny, im not a trouble maker… It was self defense…and who said I was coming over…

lol fiesty i see 🙂

Haha i can be feisty 😉

Show me.

Maybe this weekend? you’ll love it

I better

Oh ok Haha. Well i hope im On’t disappointed 😉

Never fear

Is that a promise?

A threat 🙂 if that’s possible lol

Mmm even better 😉 Cause i get feisty when someone threatens me, i like to fight back 😉

Yes, seems like you like to fight 😉 How about we fight, and you can try to stop me

You MAY have your way with me, whatever you want

?? That sounds kinda submissive

Hmm is that a bad thing? 😉

No, but i hope you put up a good fight

Yes, im a fighter 😉

Good, cause if you don’t, it might be rough

The more rough, the better

Happy to oblige. Mmm, but you’re so innocent

Innocent? Im far from it, i can be a very bad girl

Ha ha innocent looking then. . . we’ll see how bad . . .

Oh my, im so turned on right now!

Think you can you stay wet until tomorrow. . . when you come down?

Of course. Im wet right now

. . .and think, we’re just talking. . .

You’ll be surprised. Im a classy women, but i love to have fun 😉

Classy? You just got in a fight at a bar! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

… A club. And that doesn’t happen often. 🙁

Only kidding

Well, im sure im not the only one turned on…

There’s someone else??

You’re not…?

Oh, I thought you might be with your friend

Hahaha no! Im laying in bed alone now

Tragedy

True. I was referring to you though

Another tragedy

Haha for you.

Partly

Yes… What are you thinkin?

Its complicated . . . But arousing

Tell me 🙂

You might be too innocent

Doubt it

Putting it to words would destroy your imaginative curiosity

Oh wow, now you have to tell. Im curious

Well, you might have more success in a wrestling match if you brought backup. . .

Oh i know what you’re thinking… You’d like that huh?

Maybe you would too . . .

Possibly 😉 But wouldn’t i be enough?

. . . Normally, but I am insatiable

Perhaps in the future i could bring a friend…

Gotta make sure i’m quality huh?

You will be

I understand, well I should sleep, plan on tomorrow?

Haha yep 😉

***

Again, I’m still completely stunned, and convinced – dominant, forward, laconic = gina lube. Doubt I could pull this off in person, texting is easy. I’m also sure there is a lot of beta in there. Any suggestions for improvement?

I’m curious if the girl wound up going to this emailer’s place the next day, or if she flaked at the last minute. While this text exchange has (mostly) the right frame, it smacks of overgaming. And overgaming can quickly activate a woman’s anti-slut defense. There is a lot of back and forth here with a girl you haven’t even had a date with yet. Reading this, my initial impression was “entertainment monkey”. You’re feeding her snappy alpha quips with the calculated smoothness of someone who knows this will stroke the psyche of his mark. And she knows you know. The risk here is getting LJBTed — Let’s Just Be Teases.

Overgaming is usually poison to a pickup when the girl is very high value. Hot chicks experience the pleasures of smooth alpha operators more frequently than do lesser girls. Your clever retorts and masculine lack of punctuation are nothing new to the hot chick. She will enjoy it and place it in her mental pile with the rest of the suave suitors. You need to bring something more to the table, and that something is *escalation*. Escalation is what separates the men from the dilettantes. Establish your frame, parry her shit tests, laconically disabuse her of the notion that you can be boxed in beta-wise, and then cut the flirty courtship short either by exiting prematurely or forcing the seduction forward into more dangerous psychological and kinesthetic territory.

Despite the overgaming by the emailer, I think he is in good shape to close. The key information in this pickup attempt is “[she] is a little below my market value”. Women subconsciously know when a man who is seducing them is better than what they can normally expect to date. If you, as a man, judge that you are higher value than the girl you’re picking up, it is likely that she is aware of the same value discrepancy. What this means is that her hypergamous impulse will be sated by your attentions; she will be quicker to forgive your beta missteps and happier to indulge your excessive alpha badinage. She will, in sum, put out easier. So a good rule of thumb when seducing women at or slightly below your own market value is:

Overgaming > undergaming.

Go ahead and flirt endlessly with the 7. She is grateful for the dry hump love, and will probably succumb to your later game when pressed.

But if she’s too much lower than the median mate value of girls you can get, overgaming will cause her to prick up like a porcupine. Girls want to be played, but they don’t want to be sloppily overplayed like a marionette. She will balk if she thinks you have assured yourself she is an easy mark, and her ego will reassert itself, even at the expense of losing a mating opportunity with a higher value male.

If you’re about to lose a girl because of jet-fueled cocky banter, a good antidote is vulnerability game. Overgaming kills attainability, and male attainability is a necessary (but not sufficient) precondition for female surrender. Sharing a self-effacing story designed to humanize you will establish your attainability, and draw her closer to you.

Conversely, if the girl is hotter than what you normally get, your overgaming will be perceived as cloyingly indulgent. Her poseur alarm will go off. A Texas girl would think you are “all hat, and no cattle”. Sure, the hot chick will enjoy your clever ripostes, but it will still be YOU doing the chasing, feeding her an endless stream of movie moments while getting nothing in return but platonic banter at best and apathetic toleration at worst. And to get a hot chick, you have to arrange the seduction so that it seems to her that SHE is chasing you. For very hot chicks:

Overgaming < undergaming.

If I were this emailer, I would have ended the texting about halfway through when her buying temperature was peaking, with a vague hint at continuing it at some point in the future, preferably in person. I also would have dispensed with any threesome innuendo. It’s too strong for initial flirty banter, particularly as it went on in this example for long enough to ping her perv radar. It’s possible that she will wake up the next morning feeling a little dirty, and not in a good way. Save the threesome talk until a month or two into a sexual relationship.

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