Email #1, from “Invictus”.
Discovered the site about a month ago, and love the info from you and a couple of your regular commenters (yareally and sentient especially).
I have a couple of questions.
1. I live in a very small town (my hometown) in the middle of nowhere as a chiropractor in my own private practice. I am financially unable to move until loans are paid off. The only reason I came back here was that it was the only place where a bank would loan me money to start. My problem is that there aren’t many women around here to practice game with, and I think I add pressure to make things work with women due to the lack of women in the area (scarcity mentality). What can I do to overcome this?
I wonder if this is a case of small local banks doing their part to discourage brain drain? Kind of like closed loan borders. Anyhow, my advice is change fields, if your dating situation is that bad. But I doubt it’s that bad. The internet was invented for men like yourself stuck in small towns with poor prospects. Get some online relationships going with a few hotties (chicks dig a doctor, fib a bit), travel to see them every once in a while, and watch your scarcity mentality melt away.
2. I read in many of your posts about making women chase you. How exactly is this best accomplished?
Sheesh. There are a million ways. The clearest summary of all those ways is hot-cold-hot-cold. You show interest, you disappear, you make promises, you don’t follow through, you initiate conversations, you reply late with one-word blurts, you guide her to the bedroom, you take a phone call in the hall. Hot-cold-hot-cold is the expression of the attitude that YOU ARE THE PRIZE. When you think of yourself as God’s gift to women, women will believe the Word of You. A lack of neediness, sexy aloofness, is a cue to women that you have sexual market options. When women perceive that about you, they are jolted out of their instinctive role as the chased and an internal switch is flipped that causes them to assume the role of the chaser.
***
Email #2, from “QDA”.
Reading your site has often helped me clear my tactical approach to game, and I need some help right now.
The following happened not more than two hours ago…
I was in East Village successfully K-closing a girl. I was working out logistics to go to her place, when all of a sudden some drunk idiot started yelling “She’s hot man. Ask her how much. If you’re not buying it, let me.”
“She’s not for sale.”
“Too rich for your blood.”
“Waddaya talking about?! She’s paying me!”
“Stay classy, man.”
Now, normally this wouldn’t be a problem if I’d picked her up in my normal organic manner, but this time she was just a drunk girl in a bar who needed lovin, and after just a five minutes of talking, I pulled her away from her friends.
She was already hesitating. That sucker really ramped up her ASD. Since I was going for the kill, I hadn’t even tried taking her number.
Externalities can ruin tight game. This was a scenario when a little beta reassurance would’ve gone a long way to averting a disastrous ASD (anti-slut defense) cooldown.
How do you suggest I could have handled it, when an outsider pushes her ASD threshold in the no-go zone?
There are occasionally times that call for a little white knighting. By “a little”, I mean “barely perceptible”. If you have made out with a girl and she’s halfway toward your door when a drunk idiot makes a scene, you do yourself a favor by intervening on behalf of her lonely girl honor. Just don’t get carried away; white knighting that is too obvious can quickly escalate an awkward scene to a brawl, and turn off girls who shirk from possessive, mate guarding men. See suggested replies above.
***
Email #3, from “Don”.
Why do younger girls love guys who do drugs??
All girls have a part of them, smaller in some larger in others, that loves a rebel.
running high school game basically just – social proof, body language and talents.
Don’t forget boldness.
word recently got out I was after a gram of ecstasy for friday and bitches are reeling in with curiosity by the hour
Explains why so many chicks dig black culture
The girls I knew who rolled were all hardcore club chicks and flighty artsy types. Ecstasy let them babble even longer and more incoherently than they normally did, and because it’s a touchy-feely drug it served the dual purpose of relaxing their ASD.
Just be careful with drug game; it’s highly self-selective, (meaning, you will mostly screen for girls who like drugs), and relying on it will close off tons of options with “high on life” girls.
***
Email #4, from “Cy”.
Hey CH, Cy here- young player (17 turning 18 soon) with term goals to get my body and my game into shape. Got a question about game, but first a bit of background to help understanding.
-Born and live abroad as a US citizen in a somewhat backwards Mediterranean country, with yearly visits to US.
-Trying to get into western-style game.
-This is both the opposite of what is done here (the local guys’ game) and harder to do since I live in a “capital city” with pop. only around 800,000.
-Small size is made worse by the fact that parents and relatives all live here. Think an everyone-knows-everyone type of place, amplified by 10.
Welcome to Southern Europe. At least the women are beautiful.
Any advice on how to practice game? For example I see the cold approach as a major part of the game, but it is difficult to implement it in my environment.
Assuming you speak the native language, I really don’t think there’s much difference in how the essential game principles are applied throughout Europe. Yeah, some country’s girls may require more provider beta game, and some more sexy alpha game, but these are tactical differences. The core attitude you must project — outcome independence and charming devilry — remains the same no matter where you go.
Your question is very broad, so it’s tough for me to give you any specific advice. Southern Euro men direct approach women by nature, so maybe you want to stand out in contrast and do more indirect approaches? Use your background as a springboard for conversation. You’re an American citizen living abroad who knows her city pretty well, but some things about the place still surprise you; surely that’s enough material right there to pique her curiosity?
***
Email #5, from “anonymous”.
I could use some advice. College, supposedly some of the best years of your life. My friends and I are all seniors. I figure that since it’s the last year, we must go all out whenever the opportunity presents itself. That means one night stands, keggers, bars and unforgettable stories that we can laugh about when we’re old and grey. I’ve been having a variety of 7/10+ one night stands with these women on a consistent basis. I must say that while I am growing more cold and aloof (which may or may not be such a bad thing), my confidence has transcended to new heights. It’s insane how confidence can improve almost all areas of your life and how quickly your confidence can be swept away.
That’s why it’s important to learn the art of overconfidence, which is confidence that doesn’t require external validation to continue functioning.
All of my close friends (who I go out with) are busy at part time jobs and settling for sub par relationships. None of them have any desire to go out and when they do, they grab a quick drink and leave. When I game, I mostly go lone wolf but I’ve always got my friends there to joke, have a good time and drink with permitting I don’t get laid. Last weekend, my friends bailed and I went out alone on both nights. I had an awful time and I’ve sort of been in a funk as of the moment. I’m not sure how to snap out of it. I know that I may have to find new friends to go out with but since I’m a senior everyone’s social circles are like armored fortresses. I have a feeling that making a new set of ambitious friends isn’t as easy as it was freshman year. Ideally, I’d like to be self sufficient and be able to game + have a good time no matter the people or circumstances. How do I work up to that? I’d appreciate your two cents.
Making new acquaintances isn’t as hard as it seems, and once you have acquaintances, a few friends will follow. If you can cold approach attractive girls for sex, you can cold approach anyone for meaningless banter. But more to your question, I’d say stop going out to bars/clubs/parties for now. Try new venues. Whenever I’m in similar circumstances, I make it a mission to find events to attend where I know showing up alone won’t look out of place. Festivals, fairs, art galleries, beer tastings, auto shows, farmers markets, malls. Gain a bit of knowledge about the event you’re attending so you have something to talk about with girls. College must be loaded with social events that you could crash without feeling self-conscious.
Hell, you don’t even need events. Go to the park and fly a kite shaped like two boobs. You’ll get noticed. Bars on weeknights are lone wolf hunting grounds. Any girl you meet on a weeknight out alone is looking for dick, that much is guaranteed.
***
Email #6, from “T”.
Beta trying to develop game here. I logged back on to OkCupid for the first time in several months and I messaged a solid 7 I had briefly talked to months ago.
Me – “you’re still here? are the men on this site that bad?”
Her shit test – “haha yes they are. what makes you different?”
My idea for a response is – “I’m not going to qualify myself with an answer. That’s what.”
Thoughts?
Be careful with this shit test. When a girl asks a seemingly harmless question like “what makes you different?” there is an implied recognition of her status as the one being courted. You don’t want to validate this girl’s self-perception as the higher value entity. Your reply is no good; not because it validates her, but because it’s meaning is too translucent. It sounds quasi-autistic, the way you’re describing in lurid detail the unspoken dynamic of this exchange. It also sounds defensive, like you can see her bitchiness and rejection coming a mile away and you intend to tell her in no uncertain terms how you will evade it.
No girl wants your thought process so obviously laid bare, especially when said thoughts are of the preemptively butthurt variety. The alpha reply is one that undermines her self-regarding premise playfully, without betraying the mentality of a man who expects the worst from women. Alpha males don’t expect the worst from women, though they may be more aware than other men of the depravities women can entertain, because alphas are often the recipients of women’s most generous gifts.
GIRL: “what makes you different?”
THE DEVIL’S GOLDEN FIDDLE: “standards.”