Reader Mailbag: Don’t Tell Her To Smile Edition

Email #1 is from mkubuwa:

Hi R.,

Recently came across your blog; in one word…eye-opening! You seem to be a sage in these matters, so I have a girl issue that may just be down your alley of expertise…

I recently saw a girl on the train, a solid 9 if I’ve ever seen one. Problem is I’m not sure exactly how to open her. Trains are notorious for being conversation dead-zones as most people just tune out once they get on. She’s always frowning out of the window (hard day at work?) and sitting too far in the seating row for me to get to without making it obvious.

I could just walk up to her direct but I get the feeling that her defence shields would be up before I could even open my mouth. I’ve thought about giving her a written note “Frowning = Wrinkles. You’d look better with a smile” while getting off at my stop, but the problem is we both get off at the end of the line.

Any thoughts on how to get over this problem? I can handle bar and club openers, but public transport is a first for me. I only see her once in a while on the train, so the next time I see her I’ve got to make it count…

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Never tell a girl to smile as part of a pickup gambit. This will always backfire on you. It’s not because girls don’t like to be reminded they look dour; no, it’s because girls will rightly perceive such a gambit as a beta attempt to manufacture positive rapport. Never push rapport before its time.

A good opener is what you wrote in your second paragraph. “Do you ever notice how people on trains just tune out once they get on? It’s gotta be the most anti-social environment on earth.” Obviously, you have logistical problems on a train that you won’t have in a bar. Namely, lots of people in a cramped space between you and her. Walking up to a chick on a packed train will look and feel weird, no way around that. Your best bet is to be standing near where she’s sitting, so that you can look over your shoulder at her. Or get a seat next to her.

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Email #2 is from R.:

I’ve stumbled on a form of game even more potent than Hangover Game…New Crib game, and it goes something like this;

Suppose you move, it doesn’t matter when, but you have a new place to bring your girls, here’s a sample text;

Me: Whats up?
Her: (blah) (blah) (blah) (blah)
Me: That’s cool, you should come check out my new place soon, its dope.
Her: Ooh a new place 🙂 where?
Me: (XXX) (XXXXX) Street in (XXXXX)
Her: I’ll try to swing by this weekend 😉

New Crib game seems temporal, but that’s totally up for debate.  I’ve been at my new spot for two weeks and have had five girls over.  I’ll need to wait a few months to see if any girls I haven’t spoken to in a while text or run into me, and I will try to run this new game on them.

New crib game. I like it. It sounds like a solid ploy for getting girls back to your place, as long as you use it on new girls. There’s no reason why a place you’ve been living in for years can’t serve as a “new pad” for girls who don’t know any better.

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Email #3 is from The Hungry One:

A friend of mine is one of your regular readers, and pointed out something you’d written a few days ago, about signs your wife is about to cheat.  Enough of it rang true to worry me – though she’s actually sexually dead most of the time, and I have objective proof that she hasn’t been screwing around.  Yet.  But something has to be done, or my marriage is done.

So I read a couple dozen of your other articles, and while most of it is about landing new girls, you hint at relationship game, but always from the point of view of having someone interested in sex but not in her current man.  What I have is the inversion:  she’s disinterested in sex generally, though not actually frigid (she can, but doesn’t much want to), and in all other ways her usual self.  Price of motherhood, sure, and depressed libido is common as dirt after bearing a couple kids… but either this stops, or I do.

Refocusing her sex drive wouldn’t be much of a problem, as your earlier posts agree, but waking it up in the first place is an issue.  Alcohol often works, but I can’t realistically get her blitzed every couple days.  Clearly, proper game is the correct approach to the problem.

Give a brother a hand, Dark Master.

Objective proof she isn’t cheating? Is she in your field of vision 24/7? If not, then you have no proof. What you have, perhaps, is a lack of evidence that she’s cheating, but absence of evidence is not evidence of faithfulness. If my wife were frigid, the first thing I would suspect is cheating.

The second thing I would suspect is an abnormally low libido. Though I have never personally been acquainted with a girl suffering from such a debilitating affliction, I have heard tales of horror from friends recounting their wive’s utter disinterest in sex. Scientific studies of a dubious sort have identified anywhere from 10-30% of women have extremely low libidos. Woe to the man stuck with one of these sandpaper snatches. Your pain echoes throughout the universe.

If it’s well-lubed, exciting sex you want from her, then it’s almost irrelevant whether the cause of her dreary desiccation is unfaithfulness or physiology. Your mission will be the same.

Run relationship game. Teasing, push-pull, heavy doses of dominance, condescension, and mysterious disappearances will work best. If she’s cheating, or thinking about cheating, this will help lure her back into your orbit.

The next step, should the above fail to thaw her out, is a long, grapeseed oil massage. Don’t tell her it’s a prelude to sex. Just command her to lay on her stomach naked and give her the massage, then when she’s fully relaxed begin stroking her labia, inner thigh, and side boob. Stop after ten minutes, and tell her to get dressed, you’re done for now.

There is nothing wrong with getting her blitzed. A week after the massage, ply her with a couple glasses of red wine, then inform her it’s time for another massage. When you’ve massaged her labia to a screaming red crescendo, enter her from behind as she lays on her stomach. If, after all this, she resists, you my friend must get yourself a mistress. Or leave her. No man deserves such a miserable fate. When the kids ask why you left, tell them Mommy didn’t respect the cock.

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Email #4 is from Chad:

Think you can say a word about “promise her the world” game, for those times when you’re slumming it and need some serious downward calibration?

“Promise her the world” game, also known as “I’ll show you the end of the rainbow” game, is a risky ploy. Pimps are masters of promise the world game, but pimps juxtapose their promises with pimp slaps. A beta playing promise the world game with a hot chick is going to get chewed up and spit out for shits and giggles. Hell, he might even get embarrassingly rejected by a war pig.

Remember, if you’re going to effectively play “promise the world” provider game (and provider game is a close cousin of vulnerability game) you have to have already established your alpha bona fides. Telling a girl you’ll show her the moon from a position of neediness will taint the moon for her. She wants to go to the moon with a man who might very well jettison her like a second stage rocket during the trip. When you make yourself scarce, your promises will have more meaning.

That said, if you really are slumming it, (and the widely accepted definition of slumming it is banging girls 3 or more points below your rank), then you don’t need much game at all. Be all the beta you can be! Let your herb flag fly. Caress her hair while you talk to her with the greatest earnestness about teaching boys to play with dolls. Tell her you’re falling for her… after the first drink (which you bought her of course). Remind her incessantly how much you love kids and how your greatest talent is your loyalty to girlfriends. Proclaim yourself a feminist. Laugh at every one of her dumb jokes. Compliment her eyes, hair, lips, body, and legs. Ask her if she’d like to go on a date with you in three hours.

In this scenario, promise the world game can work very well, if you deliver it with the romantic bravado of a Romeo in love. If the girl is a fatty and hasn’t seen cock in years, then expressively emoting about the wonderful journeys you two will take together, and the experiences you will share, just you and her against a cold, cruel world, will cause her to swoon like a toad in the midsummer heat. Detail is the key. You must learn to speak with efflorescence. Romantic minutiae is chick crack.

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