Reader Mailbag: Fast Times Edition

Email #1 is from a high school student who calls himself Inexperienced Gamer:

I found your blog a few months back and I loved it.  If any site has given me good advice, this is it.

I saw your ‘first experience with game‘ post a few weeks ago and it kind of struck a chord with me.  There’s this girl I went to school with a very long time ago, after which I left the school.  Now we’re in high school again, and she’s definitely raised her market value.

It’s clear that she’s into me, but I’m not in any of her classes (no chance, I’m AP) and any cross-curricular activities.  My question is, how can I approach (in a setting like this that isn’t, say, a nightclub or bar) without coming off as too forward?

First, I love it that Chateau-popularized concepts like “sexual market value” are infiltrating the high school halls. We’ve come a long way from passing notes and innocently day-dreaming about kissing the cute girl who sits in the front row.

Second, what is this “too forward” crap? You’ve gotta bust a move to get the girl. They aren’t just going to float into your lap. Man, I can remember my earliest years as a stripling seducer when I let a few juicy high school chicks go because I frittered away time thinking about how to arrange the perfect rendezvous with heavenly lights and trumpeting angels heralding my approach instead of walking up and talking.

AP classes tells me you are at the stage where you pride yourself on being smarter than most of your fellow students. You’re probably a little nerdy. Cold approaching fills you with apprehension. Amiright? Well, you’ll have to get over that. If you don’t share classes or activities, you’ve got options to meet her between classes or at the local hangout spot after school. Do you skate or anything like that? Do stuff outdoors where there’s a good chance she’ll stroll by with her friends. From there, it’s just a matter of accusing her of being a skateboard groupie. Find out what groups she’s in and arrange it so that you’re somewhere in the vicinity. It helps if she sees you chatting with other girls.

Your options are limitless. Don’t overthink it. Most important thing is to JUST SAY SOMETHING. Nod in her direction and say “Hey, come here.” There is a 99.9% chance she’ll come. Whatever you do, don’t fall back on the crutch of texting to hint at your feelings. That’s weak sauce.

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Email #2:

Big time fan of the truths exposed on this website, I’m currently facing an interesting challenge and could use the advice of a super-alpha in negotiating new territory.

This may seem superfluous, but I feel a quick synopsis of back story will help. I began with natural alpha qualities, but devolved to full on beta-dom after my parents had an ugly divorce and my highschool girlfriend dumped me (for being too beta). I exiled myself across the country for two years, and was contemplating ending it all when all old friend contacted me out of the blue to tell me about Roosh’s book Bang. I realized all of my problems resulted from being a Beta and having extremely poor inner game. I returned home and began living with my estranged alpha father (think Charlie Sheen light) and began revamping my personality while returning to my old practices of tearing through women and not caring of what other think of me.

Recently I found a woman who is different, and with the increasing levels of disclosure I feel as though more and more of the old beta is coming out inadvertently regardless of how conscious I am of it. While I commonly make her go get me a beer after sex, respond to requests to put the seat down with “fuck off”, and the only PDA I show is the occasional hug or hard slap on the ass I feel like I’m slipping. Outside of behaviors like these combined with approaching more women on nights off and being extremely aloof what can one do to continue as a true alpha? How exactly does one balance the beta and the alpha when in a relationship?

I appreciate any thoughts you have on the matter.

A good woman will test a man’s alpha resolve. Intense romantic feelings will play havoc with your game if you don’t know how to manage your emotions. (Most younger guys don’t.) If you remind yourself of this, you’ll get better at catching yourself when you slip into beta behavior.

Some of your actions seem a little over the top, however. Almost like caricatures of alpha behavior. Telling a girl to “fuck off” when she asks you to put down the toilet seat is unnecessarily harsh, unless I’m misreading the tone in which you say it. Remember: amused mastery is the zen-like state you should aim for. Better to tease her when the toilet seat issue comes up with something like “Would you like a frilly toilet seat cover to go with that request, your highness?”

But you may be dating a hardcore asshole lover, in which case a regularly scheduled “fuck off” is entirely appropriate and useful. On the other hand, you may be trolling all of us with your email. For the moment, I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt. Once a relationship is solidified (usually after three months) you can afford some beta slippage. Girls do need to see signs of tenderness and commitment from men they are dating, after all. This is especially true if she’s acting like she’s in an exclusive relationship with you. So stop worrying and just don’t do anything egregious, like drop on bended knee.

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Email #3:

what’s the best reply to this shit test
“you just wanna get me drunk so you can take advantage of me.”

I replied with “yeah, i heard you’re easy”

Not a good reply. That’s a good way to trigger her anti-slut defenses. Better:

“My advantage… or yours?”

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Email #4 is from “Joe”:

I was born a beta. Several months ago, I discovered ‘game’ and your blog – since then I’ve made a conscious effort to become alpha. (I’m definitely not the finished article yet, but I’ll get there.)

If you wouldn’t mind helping a brother out, I’d really appreciate your advice on something. Here’s the backstory…

Sarah (HB8) and I have been friends for 18 months (we attend the same university in [redacted]). After seeing me apply what you teach on your blog, she started to like me. When she told me she liked me, I pretended I wasn’t sure about dating her (acting aloof)… then, a few days later, I arranged a date. This was back in November.

During the Christmas break (4 weeks), we only saw each other once… it was New Years and she couldn’t keep her hands off me. However, when I next saw her she acted very cold, and we broke-up shortly after.

Anyway, we hooked-up again in February and have been seeing each other ever since.

Now the Easter holidays have started and I won’t see her for another 3 weeks. In order to keep her sexually interested (unlike last time),what would your advice be with regarding to texting and calling her over the holidays?

Looking back, I acted too beta over the Christmas holidays, which is party why she was cold towards me. (For every two texts she sent me, I was sending three. And just thinking about some of the cheesey stuff I texted her makes me cringe inside!)

If it helps you, attached to this email is 3 weeks worth of text messages between me and Sarah. (I know there’s room for improvement. Reading through, it’s clear I still need to beat the shit out of the beta in me. But, hopefully, there’s enough alpha to show I’m learning from you and your blog.)

If you want to use some of my texts on the blog, you can – just edit the wording so the texts convey the same message without being a word-for-word replica.

You can be brutally honest in your feedback.

Thanks for any advice you can offer me,

– Joe.

P.S. She’s a 20-year-old virgin. We’ve done ‘everything but’ and last time we hooked-up, she was ready for sex… very stupidly, I had no condoms in my jacket. When we start fully sleeping together (hopefully next time I see her), she’ll probably fall in love with me and I want to give her the gift of being the best, most-alpha boyfriend she ever has.

Sudden cold shoulders are caused by one of four things, in descending order of likelihood:

1. She met someone else.

2. She thinks you’ve become beta.

3. You made her feel slutty, and the time apart exacerbated the awkwardness.

4. She’s weirdly religious.

In your case, you mention that you acted beta over the Christmas holidays, so let’s assume that was the case. You’re back together and she’s going away for another three weeks. You want to know how to prevent a repeat of the break-up drama that happened after the New Years make-out.

I suspect you are correct about your betaness, because I read through the text exchanges you had with this chick, and it’s clear to me you made yourself too available to her. Your texts are too long-winded, filled with too many Xs and Os, and too many emoticons. You nearly always end the text exchange instead of letting a little mystery linger by allowing her to have the last text.

This is a girl who’s already broken up with you once, and you two have only been dating since February. Plus, (and most relevantly), YOU HAVEN’T BANGED HER YET. Therefore, it’s too soon to litter her inbox with winks and kissy-kissy XXs at the end of every text you send her. It smacks of clinginess. Give her room to miss you, to think about you. I wouldn’t even bother texting her more than a couple of times over the holidays. Let her fret a bit about what you may be doing with your free time away from her. When you do text her, keep it much shorter than you’ve been doing. Don’t be curt, but don’t be effusive either. A short, snappy joke, or a sly sexual reference is all you need. When she responds, try to refrain from replying, unless you must.

She may be a genuinely nice girl who loves you in all your glorious betatude, but that’s not the way to bet. Check yourself, governor.