Reader Mailbag: First Things First Edition

Email #1: A confused reader seeks advice on passing a putative shit test from a younger woman.

I have been trying to get this 23 year old and I am 38. I thought I had developed a good rapport w/ her and it seemed I had. I probably still make the mistake of being on the side of too nice. [ed: your gut instinct is usually right] Things were looking pretty good (I thought) and then she said that she had a boy story for me. I said, so tell me. [ed: high risk invitation to get LJBFed] She said it was a long story, and she did not have time, as she was just leaving work. My instinct said, fuck this, then and there. Why say this and then not talk? [ed: because it was a shit test you failed] However, I visited her the next day @ her work. [ed: why did you reward a recalcitrant girl with your company? and go out of your way to do it? you really lowered your value with this move]

Her short was, Her, a 23 yr old college grad found out that college professor in her dept, age 31 that she was recently “dating,” had an older girl over. 23 year old shows up @ his place. Then, later, 31 yr old professor shows up @ her apartment @ 4am and says he cares for/loves her. After telling me this story, I said, I am 38 and know how guys work like the back of my hand and the situation is exactly what it seems. [ed: you’re falling right into her frame. why do you want to be a girl’s romance counselor on how to handle badboys?] I then said, I want to talk to you about a situation too.  So, I said can I get your # and call & talk to you. She said, I am not really comfortable with that and don’ think it would be a good idea. WTF? [ed: wtf? i’ll tell you wtf. she lost whatever interest was previously there.]

I was going to lay my intentions on the line honestly, objectively, but not needy. [ed: laying intentions on the line is beta and needy. ultimatums and heartfelt confessions don’t work on girls you aren’t already fucking] If she wanted to take a go fine, if not fine, I just wanted to tell her b/c life is short and happening now. [ed: girls never just “want you to tell them” your feelings of lust. they want you to flirt with plausible deniability. that is the way of the outcome independent man] I want to retaliate so bad and show her. [ed: ugh. so bad. so beta. she smelled it on you.] I used to get that “floaty and electric static feeling” around her, now that feeling has turned an “irritating white noise like feeling”. [ed: that’s called sexual frustration] Please help me get some face back. [ed: face back for what? for you not eliciting enough desire in her so that she wants to fuck you? i don’t see that she did anything to you that would merit a face-saving plan of attack. your best vengeance is to tighten up your game, meet a new girl, and parade her in front of this girl who rejected you] She can tell me about all about her story, and then is uncomfortable with me calling her. [ed: dude… that’s what desirable chicks DO to hapless betas. only now, in the end, do you understand] WTF? Please advise.

Please read the editorial comments above. You don’t need advice. You need a soul adjustment. Your whole mentality oozes the repellent slurry of the needy beta. I’m not at all surprised she didn’t give you what you wanted.

Look, if you’re 38 and focusing on 23 year olds, you’ll have to do much better than this. Girls expect older men to be wiser in the ways of womanhood. That’s one of the main attractiveness drivers of the older man to younger women. It’s guys like you that really motivate me to put out a book so I don’t have to keep repeating the same axioms and game advice.

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Email #2 is from a reader who wonders where he stands with a girl giving indicators that she’s open to cheating.

I was hoping you could help me analyze a situation.

I met a girl at a coffee shop today. Objectively she’s about an 8. But I live in Bozeman Montana. The dearth of local talent makes that a 9-10 relative to what else is available.

We chatted for maybe an hour. She was plently flirty, and every time I put a compliance test out there she eagerly responded. For example I’d pause conversation for a minute or two and she’d re-initiate. After a story about back surgery I told her to stand up and turn around so I could see the scar. Followed by pulling down the back of her dress to see all of it. You get the general idea.

But maybe 10 minutes into the convo (before I started getting all this compliance) I was telling a story about when I was stationed in Germany. She told me that her boyfriend was currently stationed at the same base. I wasn’t sure if I believed he existed just yet (he does) but I also wasn’t actively hitting on her, so I took that as a sign to stay indirect.

Being a former military man myself, I’m not about to steal another soldier’s girl. But I also wasn’t about to give up for a boyfriend that may or may not exist in real life. So I kept talking. She never said anything explicitly (nor would I expect her to) but I got the impression that the distance was taking a toll on their relationship and I figured it was gonna end in the next few months.

As I was leaving, I handed her my laptop and told her to add me on Facebook. Admittedly not a good idea if you’re trying for immediate sex… but I can afford to wait a few months for their “relationship” to come to its inevitable implosion.

Here’s where things got really weird. She did add me. Then she told me that I’d find out anyways on her facebook… but she lied about the boyfriend. He’s actually her fiancee but she doesn’t wear a ring because she doesn’t like getting asked about being 19 and engaged.

I laughed, and told her if I was trying to get into her pants I would have stopped talking to her after she mentioned the boyfriend. (thinking this might have been a mistake). However she then gave me a kiss, and went back to her seat as I was leaving.

My read is that she’s willing to cheat on her fiancee (although I’m not), but she wants me to pursue her aggressively to make that happen. I think we’re probably headed for the friend zone and she’s destined for female wingman status.  Is that the same thing you see?

Before attending to this man’s particular game needs, allow me a moment of reflection on the current state of our culture:

It’s a bad sign for civilization when girls start feeling social pressure to hide their engagement rings from fear of being ostracized for getting married too young, or from a hidden desire to cheat on the down low. You could probably track a culture’s ascent and decline by the rate of engagement ring concealment.

All right, back to the business at hand. I think your read is correct, although there is a chance she was just enjoying your illicit flirty attention with no interest beyond that. The Facebook add is interesting. I don’t know too many engaged girls who would risk that kind of exposure by adding a potential lover, unless they didn’t see themselves actually going through with the tryst.

Your disqualification (when you said you wouldn’t continue talking to her after finding out about her BF) was probably neutral in its effect, and maybe even worked in your favor. I wouldn’t make too much out of that. The rest of your game seems pretty tight. Anyhow, this girl sounds like an attention whore. If you pursue aggressively, you have a shot at defiling her more than she’s already defiled herself. But will you be able to sleep at night, knowing you abetted the whoreishness of a girl engaged to a fellow soldier stationed overseas? I don’t ask this question lightly. I’ve been in your situation, and I’ve had a few pangs of guilt. But just a few. And they pass quickly.

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Email #3 is from reader “Maverick” who wants to know if girls always push for a no-sex date or series of no-sex dates after a one night stand or fling.

Thanks for the awesome site. It has gotten me laid with dozen hotties [ed: not two dozen? i’m losing my touch] and has completely changed my outlook on women (for the better, I hope – or at least for the real). It helped me choose the bachelor life and for the past 3 years have been the happiest for me. [ed: confirmed bachelors have never been happier than right now in this moment of time] However I noticed an emerging pattern. About half of the girls I laid, or maybe talked to for a while but then “forgot” about and later reunited, essentially wanted sexless dates. It’s almost as if they feel guilty for putting out and now want some sort of commitment right away. It pisses me off. I don’t mind doing things with girls outside the bedroom, but I have needs too and because getting laid is so easy now, I’ve been a little spoiled. It’s a recurring theme too. Let’s say I hung out with girl X for a month or two, very casually, then lost contact. Initiated contact again a few months later. She comes over, we hang out, however she wants commitment, or at least “no sex tonight”. Huh? How do I get around this? Or is it just one of those facts I have to accept? A girl with some nice fake ones who pulled this exact stunt on me last night is sleeping in my bed right now :/

Yes, what you are describing is colloquially known as “putting the dick back in the box”. Girls will do this — that is, they will begin to play hard-to-get — for two reasons: 1. they see you as boyfriend material and 2. they feel slutty for having slept with you, but still like you. You see, despite the protestations of feminists and the slut pride crowd to the contrary, girls subconsciously know their sluttitude is unattractive to men worth cornering into relationships. So they will pull back and guard the vagina to fool the man into thinking they would make good, faithful wives and mothers. But experienced men know better.

The way to get around this peculiar female instinct is to follow classic anti-slut defense game strategy. Agree with the girl, without really agreeing with her. That is, verbally assent to her pull back, while physically continuing to push for sex. If you get resistance the whole way, try a freeze-out, where you calmly and without a trace of spite, simply turn your back and occupy yourself with some other interest, like a video game or a book.

Whatever you do, NEVER let one of these pullback girls get the better of you. That means no sexless cuddling with them and no admittance to your bed without putting out. If necessary, tell an inordinately obstinate cocktease to leave your place so that you can get some decent shut-eye.

Maxim #29: Once a girl knows she can get sexless intimacy from you, she will curse you with that for as long as you allow it to happen.

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Email #4: A reader has a question about figuring out the timing of a girl’s ovulation cycle to tailor the appropriate degree of game response.

21-year old dude from Canada. Long time reader. Doubtless you’ve changed my life for the better. Your blog is easily my favourite (on the whole wide internets, dread/love being favourite posts). I find your writing style inspiring.

Anyway, trying to figure this (re: subject) out for the first time with the current main girl, from one of your posts in jan of this year. What I’m confused about is exactly how to apply it once you get an approximation for when she’s on the rag. Can you get ovulation it to more precise than ’7-12′ days after she’s off it? Is the effect of ovulation going to peak on a certain day?  From what I have (she just got on the pill, so effects will be muted, depends largely on the girl of course), she reports being more consistent (3 days on the rag, 13-16 June and 14-17 July, she expects the same august). For what it’s worth, she’s what one might call ‘shy’, has never done anal (‘saving it for marriage’ of course), so instead of convincing her, I’m introducing it under the radar or what have you and doing this to get a range of dates to try setting the mood and have it be an enjoyable, organic sexual experience for her. Advice along those lines would be much appreciated as well.

Perhaps a biologist better informed about these sorts of things could chime in here? From what I know, women can get pregnant throughout their fertility window, but the odds go way up during the two days or so that the egg is in transit, which falls toward the end of that week-long window. I don’t know if you can time her ovulation to better than 7-12 days after she’s done flooding her pants with her bloody stigmata.

I do like where your head is, though. If you’re going to do anal on a girl, the best time is during her ovulation, when her tingles will be oscillating most vigorously for the mass migration of your mass member. Anal sex is the demand of the cocky asshole alpha male, so you’d want to introduce this exhilarating aspect of your sexuality to her while she’s most receptive to it.

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Email #5: A reader who requested anonymity asked what he should do about male friends ogling his woman.

Thanks to your blog I was able to have a girlfriend, it used to be girlfriend(s) but academia got in the way and I lost the other 2. [ed: fuck academia!]

Anyways I am kind of new to the blog, I have only been following your blog for a year now so I am not sure if you covered this already; but how does one handle “male friends”? Of course my girlfriend is a pretty one and she gets attention from other men wanting to take her out and stuff. I understand that women needs orbiters, but should I continue my iron grip on my rule that she can’t hang out with them? How should I do this without looking like I see these men as a threat to my alphadom?

Male friends who hit on your girlfriend are no male friends at all. Doing so violates a man pact, and frees you to treat them like you would any male interloper who was a stranger to you.

Of course, you can tackle this unpleasantness by forbidding your girlfriend from fraternizing with your friends, but this is as liable to push her into their arms as it is to lock her down in your orbit. You ever see what kids do when their parents absolutely forbid them a sweet treat or a certain toy? They want it more than ever! At least with kids you can lock them in the basement. Can’t do that with a girlfriend.

A better way is, first, to refrain from perceiving flirtatious banter between your GF and your male friends where there may not be any; and, second, if you are convinced the flirty banter is real and not a figment of your insecurities, to play a little reverse psychology.

You: “Joe can’t keep his eyes off you!”

Her: “Joe’s not flirting with me!”

You: “Come to think of it, you two would make an adorable couple, like two puppy dogs begging for love.”

Her: “I would never date Joe.”

Joe: [chastened] “Never?”

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Email #6: A reader (troll alert) poses a supposed paradox.

Why do girls get off on attention from beta’s, be it in real life or online dating? I get repulsed when a fat chick hits on me and actually feel worse that she thinks she’s in my league. Why don’t women feel the same?

Women do get repulsed when betas hit on them. But they don’t get repulsed when betas shower them with harmless compliments or listen like good eunuchs to their boring complaints about their badboy lovers. Plus, fat chicks are INSTANTLY repulsive to men, because men are visually oriented; in contrast, beta males are not instantly repulsive to women, because women are attitudinally oriented. It takes a little more effort from the typical beta male to thoroughly repulse a woman. There’s your answer.

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Email #7: Testosteroney goodness.

Regarding your high t girls article.

I’m currently dating a weird specimen. She has man feature in her face (chin, jaw and facial hair) and manly shoulders. Yet she has also very feminine traits (very nice, wide hips and round ass, soft smooth beautiful skin, pulpeous lips, nice round breasts).

Could she be a high T and high oestrogene girl at the same time and whats your take on these girls?

As realtalkers will tell you, genetics and biology aren’t deterministic; they’re probabilistic. The girl with the manjaw and broad shoulders has a higher chance than the average girl of evincing male psychological traits, but it isn’t necessarily so. There’s nothing in the kingdom of biomechanics that precludes a manjawed girl from also possessing womanly hips and a feminine disposition.

We are only just beginning to unravel the blueprint of the human mind, so don’t expect pat answers that explain the origins of these sorts of accurate observational generalizations about men and women. We are still at the nexus of theory and evidence, and there’s bound to be shifting along this fault line for decades to come. Once we have pat answers, though, expect the reengineering to begin in earnest.

My own speculation is that it is possible for women to have both a high T hormonal profile and a highly feminine brain. Often, as I suspect is the case with sex changers, the mind and the body are at war with each other, having taken different paths due to some unusual prenatal hormonal or genetic broth. Thus, we see in the state of nature rare cases of feminine-looking women with manly desires and personalities and characteristics, and vice versa. But the rare cases do not refute the generalizations. In fact, they bolster them.

I’ll tell you something… if you enjoy lots and LOTS of aggressive, bed-shaking sex, you can’t go wrong with a feminine-looking girl who has been blessed (cursed?) with a male mind. Until she cheats on you.

ps “pulpeous lips”. lol.

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