Staying One Step Ahead Of Suspicious Women

Match.com has an article called ‘Are You Dating A Player?‘ which warns women away from players by identifying some telltale signs of the inveterate philanderer (i.e., the man most attractive to women).

He’s bold. For the player, the pickup is a game. He doesn’t approach women with the same nerves or awkwardness of a normal guy. He’ll walk up confidently, with a big smile and great eye contact. His manner will be smooth and put-together. This doesn’t mean you should look for the opposite — a stuttering wreck — but be wary of a guy who acts completely bulletproof. A little anxiety is natural.

This is a good point. Overqualification is a bigger problem than most men realize, and can kill a pickup in its infancy. Advanced players understand that demonstrating a hint of vulnerability is integral to the seduction process, particularly when the target is insecure about her looks. It’s OK to be cool as a cucumber when approaching 9s and 10s (or even 8s if you look like the type of guy who shouldn’t be dating 8s), but for any other woman, showing a flash of nervousness while still maintaining state control can go a long way toward endearing you to her. I wouldn’t show nervousness in your body language, though. Confident body language is too important to pressing women’s attraction buttons to risk mucking up. Instead, look down after you introduce yourself and say something like “I can’t believe I’m doing this”. All it takes is a subtle gesture to communicate a touch of anxiety. The uglier the girl is, the more you’ll have to pretend to be a marble-mouthed nervous wreck. But then, why are you hitting on ugly girls?

He declares his feelings right away. Players employ a “fast come-on,” according to Dr. Kalish, making sweeping statements of affection (e.g., “You’re the most perfect woman I’ve ever met”) from the word go. These declarations can feel very welcome, especially if you’ve been in a string of relationships that lacked such intimacy. Just remember that true closeness takes time, and it’s normal for a guy to be more guarded about his emotions.

This is wrong. *Phony* players who imagine they are Don Juan of the downtown declare their feelings of love right away. Actual players who know the score do no such thing. They know that women crave the challenge of winning a man’s affection. Direct game like this can work, but generally only in limited contexts, such as with women who aren’t especially hot. And players who advocate direct game usually revert to indirect game soon after the opener.

He always plans romantic dates. Dating for the player is kind of a performance art. And he’s going to be good at it. “He won’t just bring a box of chocolates,” Dr. Kalish warns. “He’ll take you to a state fair and offer to share cotton candy.” Nice guys can be romantic, too, but life with them won’t always feel like a Robert Pattinson movie. Nonstop rooftop picnics and weekends at the cottage could be too much.

I wouldn’t worry about this. Women universally love men who take them on creative, inspired dates. (NOTE: Creative != expensive.) But there is such a thing as overkill. I wouldn’t put much date effort into a chick I haven’t banged yet. If you want to be on the safe side, save your creative, romantic dates until after you’ve banged her.

He has lots of acquaintances, no close friends. The player tends to be a lone wolf. That doesn’t mean he lacks for golfing buddies. The same way he charms women, he can charm lots of people in his life. The key is that, in friendship as in romance, his affections run broad but not deep. If solid pals are hard to come by with this guy, consider yourself warned.

She’s not going to find out about the structure of your friendships until well after you’ve fucked her, so this supposed red flag should be of zero concern to you. I don’t even think this is true. I know ladies’ men who have very deep friendships, with both men and women.

He’s a thrill-seeker. A guy who spends his spare time looking for a rush — fast driving, bungee jumping, kite-boarding, heli-skiing — should give you pause. This type, says Dr. Kalish, craves the excitement that comes from conquering a difficult challenge, and that goes for his relationship goals as well. Once he’s “conquered” you, your allure may quickly fade.

Yeah, I suppose this is a tipoff. If you’re really worried about pinging a girl’s play-dar, then just cut back on the skydiving, champ.

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The second half of the article describes five signs that the man she is dating is a niceguy. Thus, you should pay attention to this advice if you want to do nothing but masturbate for the rest of your life.

He’s goofy. The sincere suitor is not suave. He doesn’t always say the right thing.

Vulnerability game. Just don’t overdo the goofiness. The niceguy is effortlessly goofy because his lack of confidence gets the better of him. This is not what women want. What they do want is an effortlessly suave man who is occasionally goofy. This will make him seem attainable without sacrificing his raw sex appeal.

He remembers personal details and events. It’s the most basic way to show someone you care — by learning about his or her life and interests.

Awful advice for any man. Women don’t want you to remember personal details about them; at least, not until it matters, like when she’s hinting at marriage and she wants to see signs of commitment from you. Caring carebears do not get laid. Careless assholes do.

He treats his mama right. Generally speaking, a loving family begets a loving person, and the opposite is also true.

Don’t Lotharios have a reputation for being mammas’ boys? Regardless, this is a stupid sign to look for. Men with even half a brain are not going to introduce girls they haven’t had sex with yet to their mothers. If you’re not a complete feeb, she’ll never know what your relationship with your mother is like until well after many sessions of intimacy have transpired.

He can mingle. “The sincere guy doesn’t mind being in a room with people who are more accomplished than he is,” Dr. Kalish says.

Wrong. Players are almost universally better minglers than are niceguys. Niceguys may be good listeners, sure, but that’s because they’re too boring to contribute to the conversation.

He says, “I love you.” As fawning as a player’s affections are, there’s still something sacred about the L-bomb. Kalish found that insincere men would say, “I want to grow old with you,” or “I want to have children with you,” but “I love you” remained somehow off limits. A guy who says those three magic words may very well mean them.

I see the problem here. The author is conflating “insincere men” with “players”. The two are not the same. A player can easily fall head over heels in love with a woman, and declare it from the rooftops. He just happens to do this with a lot of women, instead of just one.

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