The Sexiness Of Shallow Communication

There are two fault lines running through an otherwise generally cohesive mass of seduction literature. The first, and better known, is the long-simmering war between direct and indirect game proponents. (Smart players use both.) The second, less known, is the tension between those who advocate high energy game (aka social alpha) and those who believe low energy game (aka stoic alpha) produces the best results. (Again, smart players resort to both high and low energy as the circumstance demands.)

In archetypal terms, high energy game = Trent from Swingers, low energy game = John from Nine 1/2 Weeks.

Low energy game is CH’s preferred method of applied charisma, but high energy has its usefulness, particularly during those first few critical minutes of meeting when the needle on a woman’s attraction thermometer is still swinging wildly and waiting to settle on a hot or cold temperature reading.

Low energy game is:

Laconic.
Smooth.
Ambiguous.
Quippy.
Imperturbable.
Intense.
Unreactive.
Best suited for one-on-one.

High energy game is:

Effusive.
Excitable.
Sociable.
Loquaciously funny.
Aggressive.
Fun.
Proactive.
Best suited for crowds.

There’s a strong introvert/extrovert divergence here that maps closely with a man’s preferred pickup energy level. Introverts will be more comfortable with low energy game, extroverts with high energy. Energy level also varies intra-game; you’ll be higher energy at the outset and downshift to lower energy during the comfort, i.e. leather couch, stage.

However, I’ve known plenty of introverts who can tolerate, and even relish, “acting out”. The catch is that introverts socially exhaust themselves faster than do extroverts, and need a time-out to recharge. A short burst of energy is about all an introvert can muster before he begins turtling as the realization “hey, i’m the center of attention!” hits him. Introverts therefore should focus their unrenewable high energy firepower when it’s most needed: during the meet and entreat.

Some will argue that a man’s looks dictate to a degree the energy level that will most benefit him. I won’t get into that discussion for this post, but readers may engage in the comments. I’ve heard differing theories on the matter, and my real world observations don’t lend much support to one theory or the other. Broadly speaking, uglier men will need to be higher energy in the beginning of a pickup, in order to “cut through the noise”.

Energy level also influences your mode of verbal communication. A high energy man will necessarily speak a lot more words than will a low energy man. Astute readers will note that this apparently violates Poon Commandment V: adhere to the golden ratio of giving your woman 2/3s of everything she gives you, verbosity presumably included. But the Poon Commandments are better understood as lifelong guidelines rather than specific pickup tactics that apply to every situation one may encounter along his romantic journeys. There will be those times when it’ll be to your advantage to say more than the girl in your company.

Nevertheless, there’s no denying that, on the whole and in the general, women love men who aren’t blabbermouths. The more of your store you give away, the less she’ll want to browse your product line. Enigmatic men are alluring. Succinctness is sexy. Ambiguity is alpha.

On that point, a regular reader writes,

You can use shallow communication to get positive association principle benefits in your dating life and life in general.

If you ever meet a powerful person, like your CEO, they really don’t have much to say. “This is a nice day!” “The Blackhawks looked great last night.”

Ditto if you see press coverage of the Pope, Queen, or President working a crowd or rope line.

The reason is simple: more people want to talk to powerful people and powerful people need to budget their attention.

The more you invest in deep substantial conversation, the smaller the number of people you must have in your life and the less attractive you become.

A man with many women can’t know everything about them. Seeking to learn everything about her is going to work against you over time.

Making statements versus asking questions subcommunicates less desire to learn about her.

That’s probably the main failing of stalkers, and she’ll think you’re a stalker if you know everything about her, which is exactly the opposite of what she wants.

Shallow communication is alpha. Listen to alpha males banter: it’s almost all jokes and taunts and teases and sharp comebacks (when required). Then listen to beta males banter: droning, nerdy expositions on boring topics, receivers more often than givers of gibes, conspicuous inability to disengage from dying conversational threads, stilted speech in place of charming quips.

But that doesn’t mean there isn’t a time and place when the alpha benefits from “deep” conversation with a girl. Women like when you ask about them, but only after some attraction has been sparked. Women also like when you open up about yourself, even if in a guarded way, when they’ve decided they want to know more about you. The comfort stage isn’t just some afterthought tacked onto the seduction process. It’s the meat and potatoes of pickup. If you don’t “connect” with a girl in a meaningful way, all you’ll have are a few laughs… and a dry dick.

All the points the reader made above are true, and most crucial when the dance of love is just spinning up. You hold your cards close at the start. You make statements more than you ask questions. You stick to superficial topics instead of delving deeply into your listener’s life and values. These behaviors are, undoubtedly, the hallmark of the alpha male.

But what if the girl doesn’t know you from Adam? You’ve just walked up to her, a stranger. Four-word vacant blurbs about the weather aren’t going to cut it. A chill, laconic, 007 pose over a martini glass is great if you’re already preselected as a man of interest. But if you’re the average guy without a license to thrill, you’ll need to do more than cock an eyebrow as the rim of your glass hits your lips. You’ll need to talk and, more often than not, talk a lot, if you want to engage a girl and get her invested in the outcome.

You square this circle by recognizing that shallow communication is not the same as terseness. You can talk your mouth off without really saying anything. “You girls look like you’re having the most fun here…” is an excellent prelude to a two-way exchange of ideated emotions, but it’s not exactly the stuff of profound thought. It is, however, high energy. If you watch Tyler Durden’s videos, he’s the classic example of a high energy player whose communication during the attraction stage is almost entirely substance-free. He rarely uses any “getting to know her” tropes. “Getting to know her” is the feeble strategy of earnest betatude.

If low energy game is more to your liking, you’ll need to locate venues where one-on-one sit-downs are possible. Any of the usual pickup spots are more favorable to low energy game on weekdays than weekends. Target events that cater to girls who don’t grok the club scene. If you can’t find it in you to amp up your energy level, then daytime game will feel more right to you, where crowd-owning court-holding isn’t a prerequisite for love. Finally, work on your bounce and isolation techniques. The sooner you can move a girl away from a busy social scene to a quieter, secluded pre-bone zone, the sooner you can switch to your preferred low-key, smirk-inflected, laconic cad game.

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