The Ultimate Shit Test

Commenter Jcut wrote:

I almost vomited watching this video today:

http://www.ted.com/talks/lang/eng/eve_ensler_embrace_your_inner_girl.html

Let us all be aware our sinister enemies who lurk about, skulking in the distance.

Are feminist calls to embrace our inner girl just a giant, society-wide shit test to brand the betas with a big red B so they can be more easily identified, and thus sexually ostracized? Because any man who takes up the call to “embrace his inner girl” will disqualify himself as a sexual interest to not only normal, healthy women, but to feminists as well.

Speaking of ultimate shit tests, here’s one I had the pleasure of receiving recently:

“Could you do me a favor and hold my drink for me while I call my friend?”

The worst shit tests are never the obvious ones; they are sneaky like thieves in the night, pickpocketing your balls without you even realizing it. Beware the “could you do me a favor” expression. It is designed to entrap even the most vigilant men. It will require an absolutely rock solid belief in your value as a high quality man to resist the temptation to answer the siren call of “do me a favor”. After all, a man would have to be a low down dirty scoundrel to not do a favor for a girl, right?

Now that she’s breached your defenses by asking for a favor, she can land the killing blow to your balls with the beta bait request. I don’t care how sweetly she asks or how harmless you think your accommodation, DO NOT EVER hold a girl’s drink for her on the first night you meet her. The act of holding her drink so she can make a call/go to the bathroom/rifle through her purse for lipstick, no matter the innocent intentions behind the asking of it, will register in her hindbrain as the humiliating posture of a beta chump. She may consciously respect your chivalry, but underneath, her id is playing word association by scratching your name next to a picture of a tiny, limp dick on the walls of her nerve center.

Remember, the worst/best shit tests are those that FOOL THE GIRL herself. If she doesn’t even know what she’s doing, how will *you* know when she’s weighing your stones? The “hold my drink” shit test frequently falls into this category of “subliminal but deadly”. She may honestly need you to hold her drink. But you still shouldn’t do it.

So how to respond to the SBD shit test? I’ve found that edgy humor works well.

“Whoa, it’s usually a good idea to wait until the second date before asking a guy to be your personal assistant.”

A cool girl will laugh at this and find a place to put down her drink, or forget about calling her friend to focus on talking with you. An uncool girl will make a face, or double down on asking you to hold her drink. Don’t break. Hold your ground. Capitulating to a shit test is bad enough; capitulating to a shit test you had called out is worse.

Luckily, most girls know better than to ask a man who isn’t a boyfriend to hold a drink. And of those girls who don’t know better, and who give you grief for not cooperating, well… why would you want to be with a conceited bitch like that?

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