Where To Find America’s Biggest White Pussies

Politico recently discovered that demographics and race really, truly matter, and ran a huge article expressing their enlightenment (and burnishing their anti-white bona fides). One of the featured maps helpfully reveals where in the Land of the Twee you can find the biggest white male pussies. Oh, and the most hypocritical, too.

This is what the electoral map would look like if only white men had the vote. In such a world, Democrats would be lucky to win student council seats. However, there are a few (unsurprising) regions where ankle-grabbing, pillow-biting white males would continue voting for the party that hates them and wants them dispossessed from the country they built. Washington, Oregon, Maine, Vermont, Massachusetts: If it’s hypocritical, sanctimonious white male pussies you want as neighbors, these are the places to be! All you’ll need to settle there is a taste for soy latte and white skin (d’oh!), although rumor has it Somali refugee status will get you there too.

Basically, the parts of the country with the smallest numbers of nonwhites are associated with the biggest numbers of white pussies. Unfamiliarity breeds adoration? Or is it more like “supermajority white enclaves encourage cheap moralizing”? For answers, we sent a CH reporter to Provincetown, MA to ask the white man on the street his opinion.

“Sir, what’s your name?”

“Geordie Tait.”

“Mr Taint, what do think of your predominately white town?”

“That’s a racist question.”

“Have you ever had a black neighbor who kept it real?”

“Ugh, your question makes me want to throw up.”

“Provincetown is 92% white. Is that lack of vibrancy a cause for concern?”

“We have lots of diversity here. Maybe if you weren’t such an ignorant hick you’d come visit the dunes after midnight and see for yourself.”

“What message do you have for whites in other parts of the country who, unlike you, live in states with lots of nonwhites?”

“Jesus was black! Ahahaa!”

“He was Semitic.”

“Whatever. This country doesn’t belong to you anymore. You’re on the wrong side of history.”

“So the right side of history is Provincetown?”

“It’s whatever town shares our values.”

“Like New Orleans.”

“Sure.”

“Ok, then…. Boys, unload the trucks!”

Ten thousand displaced Katrina victims descend on Provincetown.

“What is this?”

“History being made, Mr. Taint.”

“The name’s Tait! Fuck you, douchecanoe privileged white scum!”

Geordie takes a mighty swing with his thumb-tucked fist, breaks his wrist mid-air on some turbulence.

“Are you OK?”

“OWW!!!!”

“Stop shrieking like a girl. I’ll get help.”

“FUCK YOU DAD!”

“I’m not your dad.”

“My mother made me play with dolls!”

***

For the lingering optimists in the CH audience, here’s a map of future election results:

Omens… I see them.

1 comment / Add your comment below

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